Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Christmas Card 2008



In case you are wondering if I have forgotten your address, I am not sending Christmas cards this year. I usually send a funny poem about my crazy life but this year I lost my funny bone.

Believe me, I tried to write this year's poem, but how could I make fun of the events of my life this year? Um, let's see...what rhymes with "broken heart?" "Losing a loved one?"

And typically I brag a lot about each of our wonderful, beautiful and amazing children (see what I mean) and this year, I could not bring myself to do that. Not that they didn't do a lot of neat and special things like: Jolie was the only freshman in the One Act Play competition for White County and she did awesome playing Ruthie in "Bat Boy the Musical." She has made a lot of new friends through drama and had so much fun. She also had a role in Deck the Stage and did such a beautiful job singing a solo. Jolie is taking guitar lessons and is quite the rising music star. And I can't forget to mention Jolie got her braces off a few months ago! She has a million dollar smile.

Jolie and Sydney were recently in a play at church and they sang the most beautiful duet of "Welcome to our world" which is a contemporary Christmas song. It made me cry.

Sydney has grown like a weed and is as tall as me...which is 5 feet. She is taller than Jolie which she teases her about. Sydney's foot grew too and she is now in a size 9. Where she gets those giant feet...I don't know! Sydney joined the 6th grade band and started playing the clarinet. She has enjoyed it and loved playing in the school Christmas program. Sydney loves playing basketball and running. She remains the family comedian and makes everyone laugh. Sydney is very nurturing and helps me with my little preschool in the afternoons when she comes home form school. The children love her and get so excited when they see their "Nee- Nee." Sydney has braces and the herbst appliance. Anyone who knows what that is can send their sympathy.

Fischer is in second grade. He likes school and his creative teacher, Mrs. Fredrick. Fischer has been working on a comic book and his artistic abilities are becoming so evident. He is so good at drawing. He is still a fabulous reader and still has his nose in medical journals, novels, and science magazines. He has a photographic memory. But at the same time, he is a little on the spacey side and often runs into walls and trips on air. Fischer has become very interested in football. Not playing it, though he loves to play ball with Adrian occasionally, but Fischer carries around his "play book" and works on strategies during his free time. The best news about Fischer this year is that over the summer he went to the allergist and he OUTGREW his wheat and egg allergies! Wow! Eating bread is a whole new world for Fischer! He can eat cake, cookies, whatever! He's still very allergic to peanuts and we are armed with an epi-pen for that.

Mollie is now 4 and is finishing up her last year of preschool. Next year will be big school. Mollie will start ballet this January and she is thrilled. She is a wonderful dancer. She is very girly and thinks she can only wear dresses. Every day. And if I make her wear pants to school, I have to promise she can change into a dress the moment she comes home. Mollie likes to draw like her big brother. She is very creative and into small details. Mollie is a sweetheart. She is so loving and generous.

Nicholas is 2 and a half. He had a remarkable year going through milestone after milestone, changing from a baby to a little boy. He totally has OCD and is obsessed with Lego's. That boy sure can build! He loves blocks too. He lines everything up just so. He is tender hearted and so adorable. Nicholas is a huggy kissy kind of kid. He hugs everyone. He talks to strangers and loves meeting new people. Nicholas loves my new little preschool and enjoys doing art projects with the other little boys. Nicholas also loves to dance.

But, I don't want to brag this year. I've been too sad. This year was so difficult. So many changes. But at least the children have kept us going. And actually, when I look back, I do find so many things to celebrate. Each day has been a gift, even when it's been hard. I know my father would want us to see the joy and not miss any opportunities.

All my grief was so powerful that I had to do something with it or I would explode, so I began writing more seriously. In fact, I became an advice columnist for our newspaper and am published weekly. My column is called, "Ask Lula Belle." My advice usually ends up being something I learned from my dad. Sharing his wisdom and hope with others makes me feel like I am passing on his light. I also wrote a book which looks like it will be out this spring. It's called, A Clock, A Coffee Pot and A Field of Lilies (the story of a recovering addict.)

Adrian's sister, Susan lost her daughter this year too. It has been a year of mourning for both our families. Adrian's mother, Love, moved up here to be closer to us this summer. Adrian has felt very honored caring for her and running errands for her. She always thinks she's trouble, but Adrian says it is a very sweet experience to be able to do things for his mama. The children have enjoyed getting to know her better and I have too.

Adrian's big news is he finally got hearing aids. Adrian has been a lip reader for YEARS. He has been hearing impaired since he was about 12 years old. He has fancy new hearing aids. He called me from the grocery store after he first got them and said, "Abi! Guess what? I can hear the wheels on the buggy I'm pushing! They make noise!" It's opened a whole new world for him.

With all of life's troubles, there sure have been reasons to rejoice. I celebrate my family, my children, my sisters, my mama, my in laws, my extended relatives and most especially, my best friend and sweetheart, Adrian. After losing my dad, I hold these folks closer than ever and love them and cherish them even more.

This Christmas will be fun with the kids but I imagine it will be very sad too. So, I'll have a Christmas. I don't know if I could call it Merry. I am indeed ever more grateful for the true gift of this season...a baby born 2000 years ago, wrapped in swaddling clothing, lying in a manger. A gift for you, for me, for everyone...a gift of eternal life. A gift that means I will see Daddy again. And that any pain I have felt or any amount of suffering I must go through, it has already been taken on by our savior. I am never alone.

So, have a Christmas if it's all that you can do. And if it can be even a little bit Merry...then rejoice! For this is the day the Lord hath made! It is a gift! Lots of Love, Always and Warmest Wishes, abigail xoxoxox

Saturday, November 8, 2008




We don't live in a very convenient place. It takes us 40 minutes to go to the doctor. There is no Walmart and I drive 15 miles taking the children all to school. But wow! Look at how beautiful it is. Yesterday Mollie, Nicholas and I walked down to our creek and climbed up in the hammock and started swingin' away. The three of us snuggled up together and watched the bright, yellow birch leaves against the clearest blue sky you have ever seen, one by one, spiral down around us. Mollie declared, "Look, Mama! It's fall! It's really fall 'cause the leaves are falling!" At times I wonder if my children have ADHD, especially Nicholas who is very two years old sometimes. But Mollie and Nicholas stayed wrapped up in my arms in the hammock for about an hour just watching leaves fall, listening to birds sing, watching spiders climb and bugs fly. I can't tell you how centering it was. I told Adrian I was going to build a church down in our back yard and it would be our sanctuary.
Today Adrian declared he was going on an adventure and of course the children scrambled into the van after their Daddy. I rushed out reminding him to take diapers and stuff, but he wasn't concerned about it. He just wanted to seize the opportunity to play outside. Here are some of their pictures at Helton Creek Falls which isn't far from here. I stayed behind and Mama came to visit me. What a great day.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween











Our Halloween was fun. We did a haunted porch and scared the 200 (plus) trick or treaters we had! This year was the spookiest ever. Adrian was Dracula, I was Little Red Riding Hood, Sydney was a witch, Fischer was a zombie, Mollie was Mariposa, and Nicholas was a Georgia Tech football player. Jolie had a performance of Bat Boy (a Main Stage Player Musical...scary play, she gets murdered in the show) followed by a cast party, so it was our first Halloween without her. How sad. I'll post more pictures of her play and of our porch later. Happy Halloween!!










Saturday, October 18, 2008

Thursday, October 16, 2008

A Box of Hope


Nearly six months have passed since I said goodbye,

Not a day has gone by that I haven't cried.

I thought it would be easier as time went on,

Instead it is tougher for me to admit you're gone.


It's why you are still on my Christmas list,

And I have been trying to think of a perfect gift.

I crumble realizing you won't be there,

The house will feel empty, sad and bare.


Sweet memories will fill our hearts, they say,

But they can't take my grief away.

Winter is coming, the air is getting brisk,

And the warmth of your presence is truly missed.


So, I'll pick out a gift and wrap it with care,

I'll place it under your tree and leave it there.

If you can open it, you will find,

A box of hope to your heart from mine.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Going to the beauty shop





Nicholas got his ears lowered and Love got her hair beautiful. My friend, Tonya did their hair. I thought Nicholas' was getting too long and shaggy, but looking at this picture, it was rather sweet like that. Oh, well....he feels like a big boy with his new look! And Love looks marvelous.







Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Power of Prayer

I have been thinking lately about the power of prayer. I went to a women's bible study last night and the lesson was about prayer. Funny how that always works...that when you are pondering spiritual matters, that you draw people around you who are pondering the same or similar things.

The lesson was about how God answers prayers. Miracles can happen when we pray. There are several scriptures to back this up. I listened politely and tried to be open minded.

However, this thinking has always bothered me. For instance, when a football player is interviewed after winning a game and he says, "I'd like to thank Jesus for blessing our team!" Or even when someone says, "I beat cancer and I want to thank God for blessing me. Thank you to all those who were praying for me."

I mean, do they assume that Jesus did not like the other team, so that's why they lost? What makes you so sure your team is in God's favor? Even people who are healed? Does God like them better than the ones who still suffer or even die? Was it because they were not faithful enough or did not have enough people saying prayers for them?

I feel uncomfortable even just praying for God's will to be done. Because, is it not going to be done any way? Isn't it a bit of an ego trip to feel the need to pray for God to do His job? Who are we to ask Him to do what needs to be done?

I really battled with all of this for a long time, especially when my father was diagnosed with cancer nearly 3 years ago. I did not know what to pray for because it was in God's hands any way, in my opinion, and I felt awkward telling Him what to do. But I did it any way. "God, please don't let Daddy die. Please heal his body. Please let him win this battle."

God did not answer my prayers, nor did he answer the prayers of my family and all his friends. Daddy was on several prayer rolls at churches all over this area, and yet, with all that praying, God did not grant our requests. Daddy was a good Christian who devoted his entire life to the service of others. He worked hard for the greater good. Why did God take him away? Wasn't he "deserving" of the blessings to be healed?

I eventually asked God to help me accept what was happening instead of asking favors. But it wasn't until the end. I realized Daddy's illness was just part of his spiritual plan. Who were we to mess with that? God has the big picture, and we only see so much with our earthly, small eyes. Once I learned to ask God to help me accept "come what may," true blessings unfolded in my life.

As I drew closer and closer to God, learning to trust that everything is in His hands, I learned to surrender to Him and let go of my ego, my wants and desires, no matter how righteous they seemed to be. It gave me the biggest blessings of all, and that was peace, serenity, acceptance, understanding and abundant comfort.

Losing Daddy was the hardest event by far I have ever been through, yet through the power of prayer, my eyes are more open to see God's hand in everything. It has been a spiritual awakening and I did not even realize I had been so asleep.

Is there sadness? Yes. Most definitely. I still cry and hurt and miss Daddy. I wish more than anything right now that he was still here. I feel so sad for my whole family for losing him. And a piece of me is mad at God for allowing such a wonderful man to suffer.

If you believe in Jesus, then you can find comfort in knowing that Jesus suffered all the cancer in the world and that he cried tears of all of our sorrows from the blood he shed at the garden of Gethsemane from every pour in His body. And that even in death, we can live again through resurrection. The atonement of Christ brings peace to everyone who knows we can surrender and lay down the crosses we try to bear. We don't have to carry any crosses because they were already carried for us.

And even if you are not sure what you believe in, it is OK. Just simply knowing you ain't God is enough. That there is a great and wonderful creation here and we did not simply appear out of nothing. The same hands that made the mountains made you. Every leaf and every flower is part of something we are all connected to. There is a mighty powerful force of Goodness on this earth.

The power of prayer can be so beautiful when we look at prayer as an opening for a relationship with our higher power. To have God, however you know God to be, as your companion, it makes it so that you endure pain and suffering along with celebrating joys and everything in life by being more spiritually aware. Seeing God's hands in everything brings peace. Having God as a spiritual guide in our daily life will open our eyes to things we never even saw before. We will have greater knowledge which will lead us to making the better choices on our journey to have a more abundant life.

I guess it is more meditation than the kind of praying I learned in Sunday School which brings us closer to God. People of many different faiths practice meditation, being still and quiet, listening for the still, small voice, or feeling present, or feeling at one with the universe. I liked my minister from childhood, who would lead the congregation into prayer by saying, "Let's bow our
heads, as we each in our own way, have a conversation with God." I love that. God is always with us and inside of us, but to take a few quiet moments and connect on our part will bring us the closeness we yearn to feel.

So, for me, I won't be praying for special favors. I know God is mindful and aware of all. He is aware of every grain of sand in the ocean and every hair on my head. But I can seek to draw nearer to God on my part, so that I can have greater understanding, acceptance, hope, peace and love. And that is a blessing and a miracle.

Monday, September 15, 2008

After 3 Years....




Jolie says, "All the tears, all the pain, all the money.....it was worth it all!" Jolie got her braces off this morning. Her orthodontist gave her a goodie bag FULL of all the hard, sticky candy she has been restricted from during the past few years. When I saw her for the first time, I got pretty choked up. She is so beautiful. The receptionist at the office said, "I can't believe she's so grown up! I'm gonna really miss her!" You have to understand that Jolie has been going to this orthodontist office (Field & Wilson) since she was about 6 years old! I said, "Don't cry...Sydney's still in braces and we've got three more to come after that!" My mom made her promise not to retire until Nicholas gets his. Let's just hope that the younger three don't have to wear braces. Not that we don't love Dr. Wilson, (plus he's really pretty hot. My sisters and my mother call him Dr. Hottie and it embarrasses the girls no end!) but I'll never have a new car at the rate we pay for orthodonture! Jolie can't wait to give her Daddy a BIG HUG when he comes home to say THANK YOU for investing in this million dollar smile! We miss you, Adrian. Give your sisters and all your family a hug from us. We really wish we could be there too. xoxoxo

Monday, August 25, 2008


Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower,

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

(Robert Frost)

We remember Robert Charles Cutchshaw, Jr.

April 7, 1948 - August 26, 1999

And always keep his beloved daughter, Sina Marie in our hearts and prayers.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

A week in pictures











































What a nice, uneventful week we had. A cool breeze came in and we were able to enjoy being outside more. Fischer taught Nicholas how to play football. Sydney loaded up a trailer full of kids and pulled them around the yard. Jolie landed a leading role in the play, Bat Boy which will go to State Competition. Jolie plays Ruthie, a teenage spelunker who sadly gets murdered in the show. It will be her most dramatic role yet. Mollie and Nicholas got to go to Fun World yesterday. The older three stayed at Love's house and shared dinner and watched I Love Lucy DVD's. And speaking of Love, here she is with her friends who drove up Thursday to visit her. Love is the one in red pants. We had a nice lunch and went to the Gourd Museum which is one of our favorite places.










Thursday, August 14, 2008

Mollie's Party




Mollie made out like a bandit from her birthday party! It looked like Christmas at our house. She had fun with her friends playing at the park. She asked me what happened to "three" now that she is four. It got me all choked up to tell her that she won't be three ever again. Adrian's mother, "Love" got to come to the party. Mollie told everyone that "Love" was there and they agreed that love was indeed there. Mollie was talking about her grandmother, but it's true that there is a lot of love in having special friends and family together to celebrate a birthday.






Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Happy Birthday, Mollie Katherine!


Do you know what you were doing exactly four years ago today? We do! Let's see, I was delivering a baby and Adrian caught her in his own two hands! What a beautiful experience that was! Mollie Katherine has been charming since day one. She is such a delightful child!
We are celebrating with her friends at the park this afternoon. We have been making special cupcakes for her "Princess-Rainbow" party. Mollie is such a doll. She is so cute and sweet. I wish she could stay little forever.





Saturday, August 9, 2008

First Day of School


Jolie (in yellow shirt) started 9th grade. It was really surreal watching her get on the bus, heading off to her first day of high school. As I wished her good luck, I started boo hooing. It was more emotional than watching her walk down the hall on her first day of kindergarten. Where did the time go between then and now?

Sydney began 6th grade and she realized just how tall she grew over the summer when she saw all her friends. She really sprouted-up! She is a couple inches taller than Jolie and has surpassed Jolie in the shoe department by three sizes. Sydney is excited to be back in school but only for social reasons. 6th grade used to be in the middle school, but this year, they put 6th grade into the elementary schools. I am so thankful for that because I really love our elementary school and especially our principal.

Fischer began 2nd grade and is very excited that his two best friends from way back in the days of preschool are in his class, Jude and Bess. Fischer has always claimed to hate school. I was surprised when he came home Thursday and Friday saying that he LOVES school. I am not sure if it's because of Jude and Bess or not, but it could be. Fischer is a huge Beatles fan and he has been playing "Hey, Jude" on repeat over and over on the CD player.




Mollie returned to Resurrection Episcopal Preschool this year. Mollie's 4th birthday is Wednesday. She really grew up a lot over the summer. She's such a big girl. Fischer not only gave her speech therapy which actually worked, he is also teaching her how to read. Fischer's former speech teacher would be so pleased. After Fischer graduated from speech last year, he became the teacher's helper and worked with a child with special needs. Peer support is a wonderful tool. Mollie likes her teacher, Mrs. Hart and is glad to have a couple of her friends from last year in her class.

This week has been weird for me with a streak of bad luck. It involved a broken tooth with exposed nerve, moving Adrian's mother to a new apartment, unpacking boxes, a root canal, an accidentally broken sinus membrane, a blood clot in my sinus cavity, a muscle in my foot which tore away from the bone, a clogged milk duct, an allergic reaction to antibiotics, and for the grand finale, my brakes went out after I picked up Mollie from school! Here's a picture of Nicholas at the car repair shop where we waited for 2 hours before Adrian could pick us up. When he started to leave to come get us, HIS car wouldn't start!

My mother was out of town and it's freaky how things like this happen whenever she's not close by. I could have used an extra set of hands this week and it made me miss her. I also missed Daddy a whole bunch as I am not used to having to solve my own health problems such as calling doctors and then waiting to be seen.


The cool thing is that around every corner of my disasters (believe me, what I have shared with you is an edited, G rated version of my week,) there was unexpected kindness from friends and strangers. There was a doctor who didn't charge me for x rays. My sweet (and hot) husband, was an extra good listener this week and helped all that he could. There was bag boy at the grocery store who offered to push my mother-in-law in a wheel chair so I could push Nicholas in the baby stroller. Even the two funny older gentlemen at the car place who entertained Nicholas and Mollie while we waited made me feel loved. My heart is full of gratitude. But I am hopeful next week won't be nearly as eventful.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Missing Daddy

Daddy was an addict. For the last 25 years of his life, he stayed clean and sober through the hope he found at AA meetings. I suppose now he will be clean and sober for eternity. But I do hope they have meetings in heaven. I know he'd like that. I imagine that as he entered heaven, that he smiled and humbly said, "Hi, I'm Mike and I am an alcoholic and I also liked drugs." I bet all the angels sang out "Hi, MIKE!" and trumpets played as he walked through the gates. I bet everyone clapped when he got there. A standing ovation. And it's not because I think my dad is more amazing than most folks, or that he was perfect. In fact, it was his imperfections which made him so darn lovable. He faced challenges. There were many stumbling blocks in his way. But he turned them into stepping stones. That's what made him special.

I can hardly describe how much he is missed. Only three months have passed since we last saw him. I'd love to tell you that it gets easier with time. Ya know, like time heals all wounds. Well, it is not the case. It's kinda interesting how it works, at least for me. Everyone is different, but for me, my sorrow becomes greater and greater every day. It's like a hole inside of me that gets deeper and darker.

But, the amazing and wonderful thing is that as that hole grows, something is filling it and that is love. I feel like I am bursting with love. I love people in a different way than I ever have before. It's like a spiritual awakening. So, Adrian is right when he said that losing a loved one will give you a greater capacity to love. It's true.

Pieces of my dad are still with me and pieces of me are with him. That must mean that I am closer to God, if you believe in stuff like that. If you don't, it's OK, but you might want to ask me about my holy coffee pot.

Daddy's Garden

Mama fixed chicken salad sandwiches,
Which I know wasn't one of your favorite things.
But guess what we put on them?
Home grown tomatoes which you planted before you had wings.
What a marvelous gift to see,
The sweet fruits of your labor right before our eyes.
You planted so many beautiful things on earth,
Before we said goodbye.

You planted hundreds of seeds,
And tended your garden with care.
Planting seeds of love and acceptance,
Growing hope for those in despair.

Our tears will provide the water,
Our memories of you will be like the sun.
We will take care of your garden,
Sharing your hope with everyone.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

True Love

Many years have passed,

Since the day we first met.

All the pain and suffering we endured,

Are things I'll never regret.

Even when you call me stupid,

It makes me love you more.

You point out all my flaws,

And you tell me I am a bore.

I have become so uncool,

I have no idea what is hot.

I try to keep up with things,

But you still say I'm just not.

Your mood swings are quick and swift,

I wonder if you are going insane.

But I remember what those hormones feel like,

When they first attack one's brain.

There are zits and odors,

There is sweat and grease.

You aren't sure what you want,

You throw tantrums like you did when you were three.

You can slam your door,

You can cry and scream.

I know I am on the right track,

When you tell me I am so mean!

The things you feel are normal,

It is all part of a wonderful plan.

So I'll have no desire to keep you forever,

I'll want to kick you out of the nest as quickly as I can!

Believe it or not, I still love you,

For you, my heart just grows and grows.

I still feel the same way about you that I did,

When I first saw you fourteen years ago.



Happy Birthday, Jolie!

Friday, July 18, 2008

The Shack

I have recently read The Shack by William P. Young. The book illustrates something hard to explain in a very unique, simple and yet beautiful way. I was really touched by this story.

The story is about a man who goes through a horrible tragedy and meets God. (I'm not giving anything away here, it's on the back of the book!) I am now reading the book to Jolie and Sydney (ages 14 and 12) every night as their bed time story. (We just finished Are You There God, It's Me Margaret by Judy Blume..what a classic!)

I know I am blessed to have such a dynamic, interesting group of family and friends who come from a variety of faith backgrounds and religions. After reading this book, I honestly don't think anyone would be offended by it. I hope you get a chance to read it!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

A Greater Capacity for Love

Adrian is so wise. His painful experiences of losing his father and his brother have not left him bitter in any way, but more grateful and loving. He has been a great example to me during this time of grief in my life. I have never experienced anything like this and it is such a blessing to have his strength and understanding.

Adrian's father, Big Bob, truly was a renaissance man. He was Adrian's idol. Adrian often tells the greatest and most unique stories of his father's life and when he does, his eyes light up and he is joyfully creating memories for our children of the grandfather they never got to meet. Adrian brings him alive for them. What strikes me is that the great qualities he saw in his father are the same wonderful qualities I see in Adrian.

He was a talented painter, story teller, photographer, writer, designer of sail boats, just to name a few of his credentials. In Adrian's eyes, he hung the moon. Big Bob traveled the world and if you ever want a good story, ask Adrian how his Dad managed to do just that. It involves a fortune teller's daughter and a sinking cruise ship! It is a treasure of a story.

Little Bob was Adrian's older brother. Adrian admired him as much as he admired his father. I am grateful that my husband had two men like Big Bob and Little Bob to look up to. Little Bob stories are legendary. We never got to meet Uncle Bob because his life was tragically taken away just three months before I met Adrian. But Adrian makes him come to life when he plays his favorite music and we have Uncle Bob sing alongs in our living room.

I love the story Adrian tells of how his brother learned to play the guitar at the tender age of 12, at which he was tremendously talented. Little Bob was a self taught musician. He had a book to serve as a guide. He would sit for hours practicing with the book propped up in front of him. He learned how to string his instrument and play. But because of the position of the book, he learned how to do everything backwards and upside down. He played this unique way his entire life, even professionally.

Adrian told me that he is still mourning his father and his brother. The pain never really goes away. It is always there. But through the grieving, there are celebrations. There is joy. Life moves forward. And your heart grows to have even a greater capacity for love.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

mother and child

Two days before he died, Mama came into my old room where I was preparing to change my son's clothes. She quietly approached the bed where Nicholas was sitting and she instinctively put Nicholas' small hands in hers and playfully lifted them up over his head so I could slip his shirt off. She even made that "Whoop" sound and it made Nicholas giggle as he was momentarily hidden inside the dark world of soft cotton cloth. Mama greeted her grandson with a wide smile as he emerged bare chested from his solitary, dark world. I plopped down on the other twin bed and watched my mother's hands take over weaving and threading the two year old's body parts in and out of sleeves, pant legs and shoes until he was expertly and happily dressed.

Nicholas turned on his belly and slid down the side of the bed, shaking his feet until they found solid ground. He turned flashing a big grin with squinting eyes and declared, "Bye Bye!" and ran straight legged with arms pumping out of the lavender colored bedroom from my childhood. Mama watched him disappear beyond the door and listened to his quick, small footsteps knocking on the hardwood floor. He wasted no time searching for his brother and sisters who were playing int he kitchen.

Slowly, almost thoughtfully, her knees bent. She eased herself onto the floor. I fought the urge to scoop her up in my arms. My hands began twisting so I grabbed fists of the pretty bedspread to keep them steady. There were no words to say. No comfort to offer. There was no way I could promise everything would be OK even though I wanted to say it any way.

Mama cried a little bit. Not for long. Just a few tears and a few stumbling noises from her throat. She cleared them away. As her hand swept across her mouth, she firmly said,

"I would like for you not to stay very long today."

I had been waiting for Daddy to wake up from his nap so I could have a one on one conversation with him. I had been waiting so long. There were always other people in the way. Friends, family, phone calls, work, even my own children. my hands let go of the bedspread and I pleaded with my mother.

"I have shared Daddy with the whole world for my whole life. I want to stay."

Her cool, steel blue eyes searched mine until they hooked in understanding. It is the same way I do with my children before I tell them something important so they will realize it's for their own good even if I know they will be mad or disappointed. The language between a mother and her child is only half spoken in words. The words that followed stung me, but the hook from her eyes...the soft pleading for understanding was all I needed.

"Abigail, when your father dies, you will still have your husband and your children. I will be alone. I need this time to me mine."

Tears burst through the wall at the back of my mouth and I fell more deeply in love with the frail, beautiful, crumbled woman on the floor. As if instructed, I nodded my head and offered my hand to her as I eased myself off the bed. She looked at the floor and brought her knees to her chin. She placed her hands on either side of her and gracefully rose to her feet. Either years of ballet or her more recent study of yoga made her able to move to easily from the floor. She is deceptively strong from such a tiny woman. She did not need my hand so I let it fall to my side.
We didn't speak but went straight into action gathering up all the things a mother must bring for her five children when visiting grandparents. Mama and I hurried about dropping diapers, clothes, toys and snacks into the bottomless pit of a bag.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Clearing the name of the man I so love

Adrian was recently accused of bringing a poisonous snake to the little zoo on our porch for the kids. After more careful research, we found the snake was harmless after all. I want everyone to know this, just in case anyone doubted his capabilities of being the expert of the outdoors. Adrian, your name is now clear and please forgive me for my mistake! I am lifting your restriction of bringing weird and strange creatures to Cutchshaw show and tell!

Thanks for being such a wonderful father. You not only teach our children important lessons in fishing, camping, climbing, boating, swimming, diving, exercise, prayer, faith, spirituality, story telling, and joke telling, you also teach them a very important lesson in appreciation. You teach them to appreciate all the marvelous blessings in their lives and to have gratitude for all of nature.....yucky snakes, bugs and all.

You are one of a kind. xoxo

Thursday, June 5, 2008

One last trip to the office

His office is being cleaned out this week and his belongings will be moved home. While Sydney and I were in town, I decided to stop by and sit in his office for a few minutes. I walked down the hall. I stepped through the door and shut it behind me. I carefully sat in his chair. I looked up and saw pictures of my family. All kinds. Capturing all different stages in our lives. I looked to the right and saw more pictures on his book shelves. And below, all sorts of medical books. Some spiritual books. Some addiction books. I twirled around and saw on the coffee table the latest issue of an Autism Journal.

I looked out the window and imagined him looking through the window checking the sunshine. I spun around to the cabinet. My eyes wondered over all the quirky little collectible things he had stored in there over the years. And then I looked at the wall. I saw the picture of him with J.F.K. and a picture of him when he was 18 years old with his science fair project. I saw all his degrees and some awards, a picture with Jane Fonda. I turned back to face the desk. It was left just the way it was the last time he used it. He calendar hasn't been turned forward. He had lots of notes about "call so and so..."

And as I curiously looked in all the nooks and crannies, I saw love notes from us...his children....wishing him a good day.

I used to leave him a love note on his desk every time I was in his office. Sometimes I would leave him one under his pillow at home. Just to say, "Hey, Daddy! I love you!"

I decided to leave him one last note. I wrote it on his calendar on the day he passed away. I told him how much I miss him. I know he'll see it. I felt he was watching me. As I laid my head on his desk and cried, I felt his presence. And then I smelled him. That really fine and handsome father smell of soap, fabric softener and gourmet coffee.

I couldn't help but feeling I was stepping out of a holy place when I left the office and headed back home. I wonder how long it will take for our broken hearts to heal. We all miss him so much.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

shattered into a million pieces

The funeral was a little over a month ago. I didn't get to grieve at the funeral because one has to be "on" at a funeral. One must be strong and carry others through the process. Family members must play hostess to all the mourners. And that's fine. It really helps carry a person through a very difficult and shocking time. But it's all surreal. You know it's real, but your body and your mind cannot wrap around it all. It's impossible to really understand what has happened. It is impossible to understand that the person who has left the earth won't be coming back. It is why you try to call them on the phone. It's why you drive in your car looking for them and then realize you are going a little bit crazy and should turn around and go home. It's why you jump up at their house when you imagine that they are at the door.

So, I floated around in that surreal experience for a while, catching glimpses here and there at random times of the depth of my sorrow. But my tears were coming from some place just on the surface.....until this weekend.

We celebrated at Relay for Life. My mother, sisters, brothers in law, my niece and nephew, my husband and children were on my father's office's team. We were there raising money to fight cancer in such a unique and creative way. It's cool to see a whole community gather together to be able to participate on so many levels to fight cancer. It's something special to see all those cancer survivors wearing their purple shirts having a really good time dancing, walking, socializing, laughing.... I certainly remember last year watching Daddy in his purple shirt carry the banner for cancer survivors and having a really good time celebrating life!

And then, at 10:00 pm, silence is called. It is amazing and powerful to be in the presence of 12,000 people falling reverently silent. The luminaries are lit.....thousands of luminaries. Some in honor of someone who is fighting cancer and others in memory of someone who passed away. Lights are shut off and the whole field, track, and stadium is twinkling.

Then I see Mama, holding Daddy's torch so proudly. She has entered the track along with another person and a bag piper. The bag piper begins to play a solemn song and Mama, fragile and small, walks a lap in silence around the entire track. Then, over head, there is a huge screen. Names are shown on the screen one by one in alphabetical to honor the memory of those who have lost their lives to cancer. After seeing Mama pass by me, and hearing the heartbreaking song of the bag pipes slowly move away, I see my father's name on the screen.

It was at that very moment in time that it all became real to me. It was more defining for me than the funeral or the ceremony in the garden.

My heart then shattered into a million pieces. I miss him so much.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Great Pets For Kids

Adrian is a nature lover. He shares his passion of the outdoors with the children. Adrian catches all kinds of weird bugs and critters for the kids to see. On our porch, you will find a craw fish, birds nests, spiders, bugs, lizards, salamanders and a big bucket which used to house a snake! It was snake number two. The first one was a little black snake. The children were very fond of it. They carried it around and showed all of their friends and neighbors. They insisted on taking it on walks when we would go on our evening strolls.

Then Adrian caught a new snake and we let the first one go back to nature. The new snake was more interesting because it was a feisty little thing! It did cool things like coil and strike! We had fun putting stuff in his big bucket to provoke him. The kids loved poking sticks in there to see how fast they could move as the snake would jump at them. I was concerned it was a venomous snake because of how aggressive it was. Adrian insisted it was a "black snake" just like the other one. He assured me it was! So the new snake hung out in his big bucket by our front door for a few days. He would try to jump out of it (it's a really huge bucket, like for toys) every time we went out the door and startled it. Fischer caught grasshoppers and crickets for it to eat. We gave it water and lots of stuff to slither around in comfortably.

Yesterday, our next door neighbor came over and saw our new snake. She screamed and said, "What in the world are y'all doing with a cotton mouth on your front porch?? It is a poisonous snake!!"

So, I checked on line and sure enough, my husband had captured a venomous snake to give to his kids as a little pet. Nice! Adrian, you are getting old. You need your eyes checked!

The new snake is back to nature. All is well.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Timing is everything....to all of nature

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die;" Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

The next time I came to visit, which was two days later, I realized that the grandfather clock in my parents' foyer had been struggling to keep time for the past few weeks. The pendulum ticked too slowly and unevenly back and forth. I took it as a sign that there was more to dying than meets the eye. It is more than watching someone become sick. It is more than tears and pain. It is so beyond our comprehension, really. But I do know that there is a mysterious plan. Nothing on this earth is just randomly born and nothing just randomly dies. Even in spontaneous accidents and tragic circumstances, it is planned. We may not have understanding of this plan, but it exists. We can know that for sure. To us, because we do not have full knowledge of things, it seems too early, too late, too sudden, too horrible, or unfair. But no matter who, what, when, where or how, death has perfect timing in God's eyes.

I once saw a family of geese on a busy winding highway in the beautiful Georgia mountains after dropping my children off at school. There was a mom and a dad and a couple of goslings on one side of the road. Traffic had stopped and what I saw was so sad. The little goose mommy and daddy were flapping their wings back and forth, crying out heart wrenching honks, shifting their weight side to side on their flippered feet. On the road were a few of their goslings, smashed by a car. All that was left were their little down feathers being slowly lifted by the breeze. The geese did not want to leave the scene of the accident. They just kept flapping, swaying and honking. They seemed so panicked. This is exactly how I have felt at times during this journey. Just stuck not knowing what to do. But timing is everything.... to all of nature.

The grandfather clock has stopped working all together. The pendulum hasn't moved since the night he passed away.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Daddy Test

The Daddy test was given to Adrian nearly nine years ago. Jolie and Sydney were three and five years old. I was a single mother and even though Adrian and I were falling in love (I say Fall ING because we are still falling and I pray we never "land.") Any way... so we were falling in love and I knew I wanted to marry him, but he was 40 years old and had never been a father before. I thought it would be good to have a series of tests to see if he would be a good father or not. The first test was a very simple one.

It was right before Christmas and I had to work at the church for the Christmas Pageant. We lived right across the street from our church. I told him his task was to strap Sydney into the stroller, hold Jolie's hand, meet me at the church, go through the pageant, and then go back to my apartment and then play for a little while until I came home.

Easy chessey! No big deal. Adrian was doing great. He thought it was a breeze. But when he got the girls back home and got Sydney out of the stroller, Sydney pushed Jolie to the floor. Jolie started crying. Adrian knelt down and comforted her. He said, "It's OK, it's just a little boo boo." She let him hold her. They were bonding. Adrian was pleased with his great fathering skills. They shared a cuddle moment. And then he looked around and said, "Oh, crap! Where's Sydney?"

He ran upstairs and found Sydney standing on the vanity in the bathroom with a pair of scissors in her hand going chop, chop, chop! Adrian saw gobs of beautiful golden curls all over the floor!

He said, "Oh, crap! Your Mom is going to kill me! She's never going to trust me alone with y'all again!"

About that time, I came home. Adrian had tears in his eyes and he was so sorry. I know he thought I was going to be mad. But I wasn't. I said, "Do you want to run away?" And he said, "No." So I said, "Well....then you passed the test!"

Thank you Adrian for being a fabulous father! You are one in a million!

Friday, May 9, 2008

Gurgle in the Coffee Pot

It is hard to believe it has been two weeks since my dad passed away. I never know if I should say he died or if he passed away. I think saying someone is dead sounds too final. Like that was the end of something. And maybe it was the end of one thing, but it's just the beginning of another. Passed away implies that the person has simply passed through this life and into the next. He is away from this place, but in another.

I am not meaning to start being preachy, but I know one thing for sure. There is more to death than just dying. There is another place. I have a testimony from my sacred, holy coffee pot.

The night my father passed away, I had come home after my family and my sisters and I had visited him our last time together on earth. Some members of my parents' church came to give him a blessing and have a ceremony of the laying on of hands. Daddy was in his bed, totally aware of what was happening and even able to smile as he told us how much he loved all of us and he reassured us that it was going to all be OK. I wonder if he was scared. He didn't act like it.

The ministers gave him a blessing and people took turns reading scriptures and saying prayers. Then, the minister anointed my father's head with oil and we all layed our hands on him. Angels filled the room and there was such powerful peace it's hard to even describe.

Mama shooed us all away around 8:30 pm. When I got home and put the children all to bed, Adrian stayed up with me as I cried in his arms. We talked and talked about my father and all the wonderful things that made him so special. Around 11:45 pm, the coffee maker in the kitchen started gurgling and hissing. There was nothing in it and no one had touched it. Adrian and I were in the dining room and had not even walked into the kitchen.

Adrian got up and said, "That's weird!" He got up to turn it off but it wouldn't turn off. He had to unplug it from the wall. I said, "Don't worry, it was just my dad." I started crying because I knew in my heart that he had just passed. The phone rang a minute later. It was my mom. She said, "Call your sisters, Daddy has just passed away." She described what had happened and how he had just slipped away.

I knew that my dad had given me a sign. He was saying, "You are about to get a phone call and it's going to be really hard to hear what your mother is going to say, but don't be scared, I am still here. I am not gone forever."

So that's my sacred, holy coffee pot. Daddy knew he could come this way to me since I am the weirdest person in the family when it comes to spiritual matters. He knew I am not so practical to dismiss it as a freak surge in the electricity. I am glad Adrian was there to witness it so no one can call me crazy for it.

I think when our eyes are open and we don't resist what is happening, that God will allow us to see miracles and reminders of His mysterious plan to reassure us along our journey that there is a lot more than meets the eye when it comes to death. Some people just know already and their hearts are full of testimony. But I have to admit mine was not...until I heard that gurgle. I had hoped there was....but now I know for sure.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

update (see previous blog below)

Jolie's teacher asked for a show of hands of how many students completed their project on time. Only about half the class raised their hands. So, she's extended the date until Monday. When Jolie told me this, I almost fell right over! I am going to the school in the morning to have a little chat with the teacher. Do you think if she learns about how I nearly got arrested, she would consider giving Jolie extra credit?? Whatever happened to dead lines? If I had only known....it would have saved me from a trip down mental lane.

A venting blog from a domestic engineer

OK....here are a few thoughts about being a domestic engineer. Yesterday, Adrian came home from his fishing trip in Florida. I was eagerly waiting for him so he could help Jolie with her big project which counts for 30% of her grade in history. It had to do with the interview with my 90 year old grandmother. We did the video recorded interview last Sunday...we couldn't have done it any earlier because my dad (her son) had just passed away. So, don't be thinking we procrastinated! (heaven forbid the Cutchshaws ever do that!)

Any way...since I am not very technologically advanced, Jolie had to wait for her dad to return from his trip to figure out how to get the video on the computer so she could edit with a program called Movie Maker.

Ok, so my house is a bit unorganized. Try as I might, it's just the way it is. So, I could not find the little adapter USB thingie for the camcorder. After tearing apart the house, I decided to go to Walmart after the children had their supper and baths. As soon as Adrian came home and I got a lecture for losing the dumb cable USB thingie, I darted off! The closest Walmart is 20 miles away, mind you.

After searching and searching the store's electronics department, I learned that they don't carry that particular size. And being the smart lady I am, I actually took the camcorder to make sure I was looking for the correct size.

I put the camcorder back in my purse. I bought some rice krispie treats for Fischer who is allergic to wheat, eggs and nuts, which means rice krispie treats are about the only fun little packaged snack I can put in his lunch box. I went through the self check out and as I walked through the door, an employee stopped me! I had been followed through the store! They thought I stole a camcorder because they saw me put mine in my purse!

It was getting late. It was almost 9:00 pm and I was exhausted. And I knew I was going to have to come home, put the children to bed....5 rounds of singing and stories....and then I'd have to stay up and figure out how to make this video recording for this huge project and save my daughter from summer school for getting a big fat ZERO for not turning in a project that counts for 30% of her final grade!!!

I volunteered to show my camcorder and I even played part of Mema's interview on the play back so they could see! I was cleared and free to go with a smile and a quick apology! As I headed out, I saw the police car in front that they had probably called for me. I smiled and waved at him.

I finally got home at 9:30 and as I pull into my driveway, there is a whole neighborhood kick ball game going on in my front yard and my clean little babies are playing outside with no shoes on!

Let's just say it took a while for me to get everyone settled back down for bed.

Around 10:30, I finally had a chance to plug in the camcorder to the good ole fashioned VCR. I figured it was our only choice and would have to do since we obviously couldn't do a digital copy on the computer. You would think that would have been easy......

Jolie was asleep....dreaming sweet little dreams, while I was cussin' and punching the TV as I tried for 3 freaking hours to make a recording!! Nothing worked. Finally, Adrian came to help and even he couldn't do it. We felt pretty stupid. We unplugged the VCR and tried it on another TV. With all the wires for stereo, surround sound, satellite, DVD....it's confusing! We were tangled up in wires like two red necks trimming a Christmas tree!

At that point, I decided to tear apart the house one more time to find that USB connection. I started clearing out my closet. I went through everything, everywhere. My poor house is left in shambles now. It looks like we've been robbed.

Well....around 2:30 am, Adrian finally figured out the VCR and he made the recording! My hero!

This morning, after no sleep, I woke up the children for school at 6:00 am. I told Jolie the wonderful news that her project had been saved and that Daddy had figured out the VCR! And you know what she said??

"VCR? My school probably doesn't even have a VCR! How embarrassing not to have a DVD!"

Don't worry...I restrained myself from any violence. I do not believe in abuse...even spanking.

My point is this....what ever sacrifices we parents make for our children....we cannot expect ANY appreciation for them. Weather it's spending $5,000.00 for braces just so they can have a perfect smile and not scare away any future employees when going for job interviews with bucked teeth....or any future mates, for that matter....they don't really care that you spent that money on their orthodonture all the while driving a run down car since you could never afford a new car payment! And nutritionally.....you can bend over backwards trying to save them from diseases, always trying to provide them with organic, fresh, vitamin filled, fruits and vegetables knowing that they are just going to turn their noses up at it and ask you to go through a drive- thru somewhere. And they think you are so mean for saying "No!" And they think you are mean for making them go through all the pain and suffering of getting braces tightened! And they think you are so dorky to put anything on VHS since that is so 1990!

Oh, well....at least I saved myself from having to drive Jolie to summer school and from having to cancel any vacation plans. I am selfish that way, ya know?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Adrian

Adrian has been my sweetheart for over 8 years now. We first met on a blind date. We had a few phone conversations which lasted hours before we actually met face to face. He knew I was a single mother and I am so glad that didn't scare him off! I also informed him that I didn't let any of my dates meet my girls, so it was out of the question when he asked if he could meet them before our date.

Well, when he picked me up at my apartment with a dozen red roses and candy, and that warm smile, (plus he smelled really divine) and he looked so hot....well, let's just say he swept me right of my feet!

Our first date was going so well that I didn't want it to ever end. So we went out on a second date right after the first one, just minutes later. I did not want him to drive me home yet! And after that, I still couldn't get enough of him so I told him to sleep on my sofa since it was after midnight and I didn't want him to have to drive an hour home so late. I told him we could go pick up Jolie and Sydney (then ages 3 and 5) the next morning and go to the mountains for a picnic!

Man, I was so forward! He reminded me of my declaration of not letting any men meeting my girls, but I just had to throw caution to the wind, I guess!

When he finally left after the longest date ever, I promptly called the three other guys I was dating and told them not to call me any more because I had found "the one!"

Adrian wouldn't even kiss me on our first date! He was such a gentleman.

6 weeks after we first met, we got engaged!! He proposed at the stroke of midnight on the Gainesville square at the count down to the year 2000 with Jolie and Sydney by my side. Fire works were blasting off and people were screaming, "Happy New Year!" as I said, "YES!!!"

We married 6 weeks after that! Yep, we were married after three months of knowing each other. When you know, you know, ya know?

A year later, we had Fischer and 6 months after that, Jolie and Sydney's adoption came through! Two years after that, we managed on a wing and a prayer to build our own house debt free with much of Adrian's blood, sweat and tears! A year later came Mollie and 18 months later came Nicholas!

It has definitely been a whirlwind romance! It isn't always easy! Being married with five children is very challenging...but I wouldn't change a thing. I love my husband. I am the luckiest girl on the planet!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Jolie

As fantastic as the preschool years are, watching a girl grow up and emerge into a "real person" is equally amazing! Jolie will be turning 14 this summer and is a rising freshman in high school! I can't believe it! Surely this happened over night seeing as I still think of her as my baby!

Being the first born in a big family is tough sometimes. We expect a lot from Jolie and I have to say she cheerfully complies! Jolie has always been such a great listener and has proved herself to be a very loyal and responsible young lady!

Jolie loves her new status as teenager. She is an all American girl with huge dreams! She is destined to be a star! She has big plans to move to New York for college and dreams of making it to Broadway! Jolie has been singing since she was two years old and it didn't take long to discover she has the gift of perfect pitch. Even when she was singing Winnie the Pooh songs, we knew there was something to that sweet voice! Jolie likes performing in plays and has an awesome chorus at school which she has been very active in since 6th grade.

Jolie is taking guitar lessons from a boy in the neighborhood. Jolie has had a few boyfriends this year but claims it's best to be single so she "can flirt with everyone!" She is so bubbly and has shed a lot of her shyness this year.

Jolie is another set of helpful hands and is every parents' dream when it comes to helping with chores. She has the best attitude and likes to get things done right. Middle school has been a breeze and I hope she will continue on her winning streak when it comes to high school, when it really counts!

Sydney

Sydney is my extra set of hands around here as far as mothering goes. She is a horrible at chores, but she is so good with children! She is so nurturing. I think she speaks a language which is so understanding and accepting. Children flock to her...they feel her spirit as welcoming and comforting. I think it's because Sydney has faced many challenges in her short little 11 year old life and she has used those stumbling blocks as stepping stones. I always admire people who can do that. It takes courage. I am really proud of Sydney. She is so strong.

Sydney is like a finely tuned Swiss watch. You can call it Sensory Integration Dysfunction or whatever you want...but the gifts that come with that are wonderful. Maybe it takes her longer to do certain things and maybe life is harder on her, but along the way, she has developed and blossomed into a uniquely understanding and loving person. She judges no one. She accepts people just the way they are.

Sydney loves school. She has so many friends that school is definitely a social event for her. She is a smart cookie and is lucky to have a marvelous tutor who helps her through her learning differences. This year she has discovered how smart she really is! I think it's common for kids with learning disabilities to view themselves as "stupid," especially if you end up with teachers who try to make you feel that way! Sydney has this incredible spirit and she now stands up for herself and doesn't let anyone get her down. Sydney has the best attitude and is so positive! Sydney is funny and is the family comedian. She is sunshine on a cloudy day!

Fischer

Fischer has the highest level of intuition in our family. He has a knack of knowing things before they happen. He is a very spiritual person and we often think he has some sort of direct connection to a higher power. Fischer is so sweet and humble. He has tremendous love and sensitive compassion for others. If you could hear his powerful prayers, they would just blow your mind that they come from a 7 year old.

Fischer likes playing and isn't crazy about school. In fact, he claims to hate it. Fischer is a really good reader and loves learning, but I think he'd be happier being home schooled. There is no way that will happen...so, he'll just have to find a way to tolerate the next several years of his life until he can do something more creative in his quest for knowledge!

Fischer loves studying about things. He is currently enjoying bird watching and identifying different species with his new book from Su Su.

Mollie Katherine

If I could freeze time in any of my children's lives, it would be between the ages of 3 and 4. I love each phase and stage, but this one is simply magical. It is amazing to witness an imagination being born! Mollie's world is a warm, sweet place that we are all lucky to be a part of when she invites us in...which is often!

Mollie loves butterflies and caterpillars. She can tell you all about metamorphosis because she has been learning all about it in preschool. Mollie likes nature, period. She likes to play outside and make "bug restaurants" where she sets up little tables and chairs out of pine cones and acorns. She sets up a big feast of grass, leaves and flowers. It is so precious.

Mollie is generous and extremely polite. I am not exactly sure where she gets all her manners from. I mean, we try to teach our children manners, but we are usually pretty relaxed about it. Mollie just feels good when she uses hers. It may be because she truly believes she is a princess. She does curtsy when she says, "Thank you!" and she puts her hands under her chin and bats her eyelashes when she says, "Please." It's a little sugary....but that's just Mollie. She is our little sugar pie!

Nicholas 911

Nicholas is in the terrific two stage. He is so hilarious....such the baby of the family, always doing things for attention. Nicholas is so sweet and loving. But he is busy and sneaky too!

A few months ago, he set off the alarm at Love's apartment (that's Adrian's mother.) He kept hitting the panic switch and neighbors came running to save poor Love. They were relieved to find a house full of children and one guilty little boy! This wasn't the first time Nicholas was in charge of a false alarm! He dialed 911 last year while playing with the phone! The operator called back and I told her it was a false alarm. But she heard Adrian's voice in the back ground. I am sure he was mumbling and grumbling about how irresponsible I was to let a baby play with the phone! But Adrian is just sarcastic and he actually thought it was pretty funny, but the woman heard an angry voice.

Well.....they dispatched a police officer to check on me! The police officer went through my whole house, looking me over for any signs of domestic abuse, I guess. He gave Adrian the evil eye, but left satisfied that the only guilty person was Nicholas! We got a warning that the next false alarm would be $500.00!

Why do I let my babies play with the phone? I should have learned my lesson when Fischer did that when he was about two years old and I hate to admit it, but Mollie has placed an emergency call to 911 her own self!

Well.....yesterday, Jolie was interviewing my 90 year old grandmother, "Mema" at her apartment for a history project, when Nicholas discovered the life call button on her bed. What fun he had pushing the button over and over again! Security came running! The man didn't look too happy as he canceled the ambulance, which was en route, with his radio!

We were so embarrassed, but Mema just took it all in stride saying she was just glad to know that thing works in case she were to ever need it! What a trooper!

Nicholas.....you really are a handful and you wear me out sometimes, but you also make me smile every day! I am lucky to be your mama!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Boompa

My heart is broken, but I am trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other. My dad passed away on April 24, 2008. I miss him so much. The past month has been terrible, as we had to let go and let God take him home. Once I stopped resisting the truth of what was happening, my eyes were opened to such beauty. I can only compare the feeling to the miracle I witnessed each time my five children were born. Death is a lot like birth. It is equally as miraculous and glorious. But it is so shattering at the same time. It is so tough. If you ask my two year old son, Nicholas where Boompa is, he points to his chest and says, "heart." Although I miss him being here where I can see him, I do feel him in my heart. Daddy was such an amazing man. He was so special. I will miss him every day.
Whew! I finally made it to blog land. Let me introduce myself. I am the C.E.O. of a small company. I am in charge of all the firing and hiring around here. I am a busy multi tasker and no job is beneath me. I am the head of the transportation department and the supply inventory. I am in charge of meeting the nutritional needs of all my employees. I also monitor and over see their health, both mental and physical. I am highly qualified with 14 years experience. I only require a 6 hour break when I sleep, otherwise, I am on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Some people call me a stay at home mother, but I consider myself a domestic engineer. I don't work hard in order to please my husband or to make my children happy.....I work hard because I want to. The pay isn't that great, but the benefits package is out of this world!