Christmas 2009

Pictures from Thanksgiving 2009

The Cutchshaws 2009

Just a couple of weeks before Christmas and all through my brain,
Are images of the past year that made me nearly go insane.

A bad car wreck, whip lash and a bump on my head,
Made my brain swell, my sense of smell go crazy and I had to stay in bed.

Jolie had a concussion, and Adrian’s neck got a slip disc,
The car was totaled as it landed sideways into a ditch.

Luckily, we are all alive and are finally now on the mend,
I sure hope lightning won’t strike twice as I couldn’t handle that again.

At the beginning of the year, Nicholas was diagnosed,
With PDD-NOS/ autism and our hearts sure felt broke.

With speech and occupational therapy and attending a special school,
He has made progress in leaps and bounds and we think that’s really cool.

Mollie started kindergarten and loves it so much,
She is a big girl reading and writing and she even rides the bus.

Mollie would like a fruit salad from Santa; her Christmas list is rather funny,
She’s been visited by the tooth fairy twice and had fun spending her own money.

Fischer is in third grade and all through school he’s just wishing,
That instead of doing math facts, he could be with his daddy fishing.

He played defense for the football team and was awarded best tackle of the season,
From the sidelines, you sure could hear all the Cutchshaws cheerin’ and screamin’!

For the first time, Sydney likes school and it’s working out wonderfully,
Thanks to the teachers at the middle school, especially to Mrs. Perry.

Sydney has caught the performing bug and is staring in some plays,
She is the sweetest girl with the biggest heart and is loving in every way.

Jolie’s a sophomore and is learning how to drive, imagine how old I feel,
But she has to sit in Mollie’s booster seat to see over the steering wheel.

Jolie is in her seventh season with the Main Stage Players Theatre,
She’s blazing the trail; to her brothers and sisters she’s a great leader.

Adrian’s about retired, business has been that slow,
But he’s become more of a stay at home mom, practically running the show.

I can’t believe he’s stayed with me for ten years, must have a thing for girls who are crazed,
And I have a thing for my old man who for his 50th birthday got some hearing aids.

A Clock, a Coffee Pot, and a Field of Lilies is on its second printing,
I hope Daddy’s in heaven looking down at us, very proudly grinning.

I am still writing my advice column and just got syndicated,
As you might imagine, “Lula Belle” is quite elated.

Our friends and family helped us this year on the days that were rather tough,
For all your love and support, words just aren’t enough.

The year was full of highs and lows, some days my head is not on straight,
So you should be amazed that you got this card and it wasn’t even late!

Merry Christmas! Love, Abigail, Adrian, Jolie, Sydney, Fischer, Mollie, and Nicholas

Autism part 6

When we first found out that Nicholas had autism, we were overwhelmed with all the "stuff" we needed to do. Plus, we felt really horrible trying to decide if it was some how our fault that he had a problem. We became very angry about the vaccine he had right after his first birthday. Nicholas had a terrible reaction to the MMR. His fever got up to 105 and it stayed that way even with Tylenol and Motrin, rotating every two hours for an entire week. I have feelings that the fever caused some brain damage. Or maybe it was all the toxins in that stupid vaccine. Or maybe it's just the way life happened. All I know, is that our precious baby was never the same afterwards. He wasn't happy any more. The cooing and smiling stopped. The little sounds he was learning to make stopped. He also stopped growing normally. Nicholas is almost 4 years old now but can still wear 18 month sizes, although many of his clothes are size 2T. He weighs 23 pounds. Nicholas is tiny. If you could see him naked, he looks like a starving child.

And then, I think about how quirky Sydney (his big sister) is and how she has matured into a totally wonderful 13 year old. Despite her learning disabilities, she is incredibly smart. So, maybe Nicholas' issues are genetic. Nicholas' developmental pediatrician said it is very common for a boy with autism to have a sister with learning differences. Plus, talk about sensory integration dysfunction! I could write a book about my experiences raising Sydney who was diagnosed with S.I.D. when she was 4. Plus she had a significant speech delay too. And whoa! Look at her now! It's hard to get that child to be quiet! So, maybe it's all related some how. But I still get mad when I think about my happy baby getting his vaccine when he was one. I will never know for sure why it happened because there is no way to go back to the past and NOT give him that shot.

So, here's where we are today: We have a unique child who is developmentally delayed in almost all areas. BUT we have a lot of hope and I will tell you why. Nicholas gets to go to Challenged Child and Friends! He gets to have speech therapy. He gets to have occupational therapy. He gets to go to preschool. He is making such progress! You wouldn't believe all the things he can do now. Nicholas can DO so many things. He can do a lot of things a typical 4 year old cannot do. He can spell, for one thing. He picked up American Sign Language like it was his first language. He remembers everything. He can start the computer and click on Internet explorer and google "Wall E" or " Tom and Jerry" all by himself. He knows how to spell his favorite things.

Plus, for whatever deficits he has, he makes up for it in other ways. I wouldn't trade any of him for anything. I love him just the way he is.

Mollie's List Part 3

OK, this is the last post, I promise. Read the first two before you read this one. Here is the conclusion, I think.

"Mommy, help me write this to Santa:

Dear Santa,
I would like a fruit salad for Christmas. Please make it in the shape of an elephant marching. Thank you very much. Merry Christmas. I want some play doh too.
Love, Mollie (age 5)

Mollie's Christmas List Part 2

Scroll down to Mollie's Christmas list and read the first part of the story before you read this post to get the full picture.

So, yesterday evening, I said, "Mollie, we really need to write Santa a letter so you can tell him what you want. And I know you really would like a real Native American or an almost dead baby, but I called Santa and told him about it and he said he couldn't give you either of those things. I also told him you would settle for a fluffy white dog but he said he was all out of dogs this year. So, I want you to think of something else, a toy or something, for him to give you. Here is a piece of paper so you can write it down and we can mail it in an envelope. OK?"

And so, Mollie sighed and said, "Well, if I can't have those things that I really, really want, I guess he could just bring me fruit salad."

"Huh?"

"Fruit salad! It's may favorite."

"What about a toy?"

"I already have toys! I don't have any fruit salad!" Mollie exclaimed as she crossed her arms and did a mighty big huffy breath at me.

"All right, all right. You can ask him for fruit salad but will you be sad if all your friends get new Barbies and games and all you get is a fruit salad?"

"I will just tell Santa he can bring me whatever he wants but if he doesn't bring me a fruit salad, I will be sad."

"OK."

"But I still want a Native American."

Happy Fall, Y'all

This is my favorite season. The leaves were at their peak last week. Now, they are all falling. I really feel so small but part of something greater when I stand outside as hundreds and hundred of leaves swirl all around me. And the sky...so blue and clear, when it's not raining, of course. We have had record rain fall this year and it is still coming! It's raining right now. The trees have been happy and have rewarded us with a brilliant display of color. Then, we get to crunch along pathways with the new carpet of foliage, hiding all the undergrowth which will make surprise appearances this spring. We don't fight the leaves. We let them be, the way our wonderful creator designed for their special purpose of giving the ground a blanket and providing nutrients as they eventually crumble and become one with the earth again.

Mollie's Christmas List

OK, so I asked Mollie what she wants for Christmas this year. I told her we need to make a list and mail it to Santa Claus this weekend. Her eyes lit up and she smiled really big and said, "I know exactly what I want for Christmas! I want a Native American!"

So I asked, "Do you mean like a Native American doll?" And she proceeded to tell me what she meant:

"No, Mommy. I want a real Native American. It's a person and some people call them Indians, but their real name is Native American. I want Santa to go to their land and bring me back a five year old Native American girl for me to play with. And Native American's swim in the river so me and my Native American can swim in the river together. We could play together every day and I would just love her so much!"

And I said, "Well, Mollie, Native Americans are just like you and me...they have families and you can't just take them away and keep them like pets."

And she said, "Well, her whole family could come live with us too and they could bring all their stuff and live in our back yard."

So I said, "Sweetie, people don't just live in other people's back yards. It is cold in the winter, so I am sure everyone would like to stay inside."

And she said, "Well, they could bring their Teepee and lots of blankets."

Then I said, "Mollie, Native American's are just like us...they live in houses and go to school and work. They don't live in teepees."

So, Mollie said, "OK, if I can't have a Native American for Christmas, I really would like a new baby."

And I said, "I hope you mean like a baby doll."

And of course she said, "No, I mean a real baby. I will ask Santa to find me a baby that is almost dead and he can wrap that baby up and bring her right to me and I will love her and take care of her and she can be my very own baby."

Then I said, "Oh, Mollie, that can't happen. I don't think Santa can find almost dead babies and if he could, he would find grown up Mommies and Daddies who could adopt them."

And then she said, "All right, then how can I have my own baby in my tummy?"

So I said, "Oh, Lord, child! Can't you ask for something more practical like a new bike, a Barbie or a new game?"

Mollie said, "I don't think so. I've been good and all I want is a Native American or an almost dead baby. I don't want anything else. So, I will write to Santa and tell him to just plop one or the other down the chimney. Don't worry, Mommy. I can handle it."

And I said, "I don't think that is going to happen."

So she said, "OK...how about a new puppy? I want a fluffy, white puppy and I will name her Puff Ball."

And this is how children con their parents into getting them pets. I mean, if getting a Native American or an almost dead baby is out of the question...surely a new dog is no big deal.

"Mollie, it is time for bed. You really wear me out sometimes."

Swept Off My Feet

Today is the 10th anniversary of the day I met Adrian. Jolie was 5 years old and Sydney was 3. A couple at church had been known to set Adrian up on blind dates from time to time. He was 40 years old and had never been married. When they found out at church that I needed a nice date to the Cotillion, they told me about their friend. They wrote down my number and gave it to Adrian.

Now, Adrian was not looking for a date. In fact, he was going through a really tough time during the short months that followed the very tragic death of his brother. When George and Margaret gave him my number and told them how sweet I was (wink wink...little did they know, right?) Adrian said he figured what the heck, he really needed to get out and have some fun. It would be good for his soul.

The night he called me was Halloween. I asked him to call me back later so I could take the girls out trick or treating. He called back at 9:00 and we ended up talking for about 2 hours! We clicked right away and he made me laugh so hard. I think I fell in love with him during that conversation. I knew Adrian was going to be my new best friend.

Well, the rest is history, as they say. We went on our first date the following week. We got engaged 6 weeks later and then married 6 weeks after that. When you know, you know, you know?

A year later we had Fischer and Adrian adopted Jolie and Sydney. Then came Mollie and 18 months later, Nicholas. We have been through many, many ups and several heart crushing downs. But through it all, I still feel exactly like I did the first time I ever met him....totally swept off my feet.

More photos!

No, Jolie is not Willy Nelson for Halloween. This is her new look for football games. Go Warriors. Doesn't Sydney look so grown up? She had a fun Halloween party this evening. Her friends are so spunky just like her. Here's Fischer at Trunk or Treat. He was a pirate. Today for school they had to dress up as what they want to be when they grow up. Fischer dressed as an aero nautical engineer complete with a button up shirt, tie, khaki pants and a Georgia Tech hat AND a set of auto cad blue prints of a rocket and launch pad. For Halloween, he's going to be the guy from Texas Chain Saw Masacre. Yikes! Then, there's a cute picture of the drama kids. Check out Jolie's tights! Wish I had some like that! And look at the sweet photo of Nicholas and his new blanket which was made by Ellie's Angels. Miss Ellie knits blankets for kids with special needs and Nicholas got his blanket at school. He loves it. It's his new little companion. And finally, Mollie's debuting her new hair-do! She got about 6 inches cut off and she looks soooo cute! Nicholas got his hair cut too and it took two appointments to get it done and Adrian holding him in a vice grip and a VERY patient and tender hearted friend, Miss Tonya who understands Nicholas' dislike of people messing with his head. But it got done and he looks mighty handsome. I don't know about y'all, but I am very much ready for the weekend! We have lots and lots of fun things planned. Trick or Treat, y'all! xoxox

Nicholas and Jolie

Here's Nicholas on Rufus during his Hippo Therapy. It took several tries before he would actually get on the horse, but now he loves it! He works on speech while he rides. I don't know how it works, but it is magic. Nicholas has been talking a lot more. I thought we'd be using sign language less, but he has really developed his own sign language and often uses it while he talks. It is very effective to help us figure out what he is talking about. Nicholas can recognize all the letters in the alphabet and knows the ASL alphabet. Jordan, our sign language teacher, suggested we teach him the ASL alphabet by handing him a letter block and then showing him the sign for it and I am so glad he did. Nicholas may not be able to talk like a typical almost four year old, but he can spell and read several words.

Nicholas' new obsessions is light bulbs. He points to lights and says, "Wite Bobs!" He likes to help Adrian change light bulbs and wants to do it all the time. He is still obsessed with Fun World, which blows my mind since he's only been there a few times and it was a long time ago. Every time, and I mean every time we load up in the car, Nicholas asks, "Fun World?" We are planning to celebrate his fourth birthday there and I can hardly wait to load up the car and finally say "YES!" when he asks his question.

Nicholas is also going potty every morning when he wakes up. He stays dry all night! It is the only time I can convince him to go and he fights me on the issue, but he's usually too tired to run away so he just does it. Afterwards he says, "Did it!" and he gets an M&M. I am starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel that I will be free of diaper duty one day soon. Mollie was 18 months old when Nicholas was born, so I've been changing diapers every day for 5 years. I wonder what I'll do with the extra money we'll be saving?


Jolie played the role of the detective in "Clue the Musical" last week at the White County High School. This is her 7th year she has been involved and performed with the Mainstage Players. Here is a scene where she is questioning Professor Plum played by Nick Mitchell.

Cooking for seven people

Lots of friends ask me how we manage to feed such a large family. Sometimes they ask me what my grocery budget is each week. They are really surprised when they find out my grocery bill is MUCH smaller than even a family of four's. Some friends have suggested I write a cook book. I will pass on that, but I will post a few CHEAP recipes and some good tips.

Tips for feeding a large family on a small budget:

1. Buy generic when it doesn't matter. We buy generic for most things, however, there are some things like Jiff peanut butter which can't be beat on taste. And we always splurge on Holy Guacamole. That stuff is a staple in our house. We put it on everything. We buy cheap toilet paper, shampoo and diapers, but the most expensive paper towels. If it is a quality issue, buy the good stuff. Most generics are totally fine these days, though.

2. Plan your menus (breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks) for at least three days in detail before you walk into a store. With your list in hand, check your pantry and fridge and cross out things you already have. When you get to the store, stick to the list and don't shop with children if you can ask an older child to babysit.

3. Do not cut coupons. You will end up buying things you don't really need just because they are on sale. If you are buying more than you normally would to save money, that is not saving money.

4. Buy meat on Mondays, that is when it is cheaper in most stores. If not, ask the grocery store manager when the best time is. Buy meat all at once and freeze what you don't need right away.

5. Keep several prepared frozen items, like pizza, veggie burgers, chicken tenders, or lasagna in your freezer for those evenings when something unexpected comes up and you need something super easy. They are more expensive, but cheaper than going through a drive thru.

Quesadillas
Here is a dinner my whole family loves, even Nicholas who is picky. Jolie and Sydney are vegetarians, so this pleases them too. It only takes a few minutes to make, so it's no wonder we have this once a week in the midst of football practice and play rehearsals.

Whole wheat tortillas
Sharp cheddar cheese (shredded)
Non fat re fried beans
Margarine or butter at room temp

toppings:
Salsa
Sour Cream
Guacamole (try the Holy Guacamole, it comes in a bag inside a small yellow and green box in the produce section)

Butter one side of tortilla and smear re fried beans on the other side (messy) place in the cast iron skillet and sprinkle cheese on top. Lay another tortilla (butter side up) on top. Flip when ready, just like a grilled cheese sandwich.

Cut into wedges and serve with a salad.
Viola! Super cheap!

Catalina Chicken
3 Chicken breasts
Half a bottle of Kraft Catalina Honey Dressing
Cooked white rice

In a Crock Pot, put the chicken (raw) and the dressing in and stir to coat.
Set on medium for about four hours or until chicken in fully cooked. Shred with two forks and serve over hot rice with steamed vegetables on the side. Left overs can be eaten like sloppy Joes on rolls or buns with cole slaw. It is the bomb!


Chili
One can of:
black beans, navy beans, garbanzo beans, pinto beans, and corn, all drained and rinsed
One extra big can of diced tomatoes, not drained
One can of diced green chilies
One can of black olives
One packet of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing Mix
One packet reduced sodium taco seasoning mix

Place all in a big pot and stir over medium/ high heat until blended nicely, cover and simmer on low until ready to eat

Ladle helpings in a bowl over corn tortilla chips or corn bread (we use Jiffy mix...only 50 cents!) and top with shredded cheese and sour cream. Yummy!

Mollie's Big News

Mollie Katherine lost her first tooth this afternoon! It sorta freaked her out. She didn't know it would bleed. She designed her very own tooth fairy pillow. It is so cute. It has pictures of her and the tooth fairy on it along with a few pictures of a giant tooth. She colored the teeth with red on the bottom half and told me it represented all the blood! Across the bottom of the pillow, she wrote in stylized text: TOOTH PILLOW and then on the top she wrote: CONGRATULATIONS! She and Sydney, Fischer and Nicholas are spending the night with SuSu. After Mollie's bath, Adrian and I were playing with the kids in the playroom. It was about 7:15 pm. My mother asked, "Where's Mollie? Has anyone seen Mollie?" We went looking for her and she was already in bed waiting for the tooth fairy to come! It was so sweet. She is very excited!

Our other big news is that we bought a new van. It is just like our old one, but new! And red! We love it and are so thankful we could get it. We needed a new minivan and here, an unusual opportunity allowed us to do so. I always have trouble with the whole, "this is a blessing" as if certain things in life are NOT blessings. To me, everything is a blessing. Things happen in ways we don't always understand, but if everything is in God's hands, then everything happens for a reason and everything is a gift. Doesn't mean a lot of things aren't difficult. Doesn't mean tragic things don't happen.

Life keeps going. And we are so grateful we got to hold our little girl's first tooth in our hands this afternoon. We were able to remember seeing that tooth emerge for the first time when she was just 4 months old. And now, it is gone and a new adult tooth is ready to come. Being a parent sure is wonderful. We get a front row seat to experience the most amazing things! xoxoxo

Raise Your Hand if You Love Adrian

Whew! I feel like I have come back to the real world now. What an awful, scary feeling to feel so lost and discombobulated! I am feeling much, much better...just in time to focus on my sick children. Yes, we've got sick children now.

When it rains, it pours. Last night, Adrian drove us to Walmart to the Red Box to rent a movie. Thought it would be good for the soul to have a brief outing. Jolie and Sydney (mainly Sydney since Jolie is still a space cadet from her concussion) babysat Fischer and Mollie for a little bit and Adrian and I were out the door.

As soon as we came home, we saw both Jolie and Sydney on the front porch crying. I thought maybe the little kids locked them out. As we come closer, there is vomit on the porch! Jolie is totally panicked as she had just gotten so dizzy, she had fallen into a wall. (There were 57 messages on Adrian's cell phone which happened to run out of battery charge...go figure!)

We walk inside and Mollie is standing in our room totally naked. There is diarrhea every where. Fischer is laying on the sofa looking about as pale as a ghost. There is vomit all over the down stairs leaving quite a trail from his room to the bath room.

Fischer continued to throw up all evening but thanks to Phenergan, he eventually stopped and fell asleep all night.

I cleaned up the mess upstairs while Adrian cleaned the downstairs. Bless his heart. He is by far the most injured from the wreck and there he was doing what he does best which is taking care of his family. He has been the one doing all the driving and care taking around here and still taking care of his mother, running all her errands. I know he's been hurting so badly, but he doesn't complain. He just stays focused on all of us instead.

Yesterday at the doctor, Adrian's blood pressure was sky high as it was in the E.R. and he had to have a EKG. The doctor said it was a response to all the pain and stress. He is now on blood pressure medication.

I feel normal today which isn't saying a whole lot. I still have a funny taste in my mouth and my head is still achey and my back is sore, but all in all I would say I am on the mend. Which is good because now, I can finally take care of my sweet husband and children!

Adrian, you really are an amazing man and I am the luckiest person in the world that 10 years ago this month, you would pick me to be your girl! Raise your hand if you love Adrian and say a special prayer for his health.

We all felt pretty euphoric after the accident. Hyper even. We just felt so blessed and lucky. We kept giving thanks that our family was all still here and that even if we were banged up, we were all relatively ok. We were in shock and on autopilot.

Adrian went to the doctor and has a rotated vertebra in his neck and a sprain. The air bag hit him right in hte head and the car came in right through his door. he has to go for an mri and meet with the orthopedic surgeon.

I was feeling sore in by back and having muscle spasms but got really sick on thursday. I got really dizzy and started seeing double and throwing up. had to go to the hospital and to a neurologist. I have a post traumatic concussion and brain swelling. no wonder I feel so weird.

Jolie goes back to the doctor tomorrow for her arm and her headaches. Sydney is sore but feeling much better and Fischer nad Mollie are feeling OK. Nicholas wasn't in the car so he's ok other than obsessing about "Mama car" I think he wants to know whrer it is.

My mother has been an angel. She flew right back to georgia to take care of tthe children. she is so wonderful to us and we couldn't make it without her. Ashley and Kristin, tht mothers tof the children I babysit have had to find a new babystiiier for the next couple of weeks and on top of that are helping wtih our laundry. God bless all our family nad friends. we are so fortunate.

we will be resting for the next couple of weeks. This will be my last post for a while until I feel better. Going up the steps makes me dizzy and It is hard to type. Lula Belle won';t run for the next couple of weeks either. please pray for speedy recoveries all around.

Goodbye Minnie the Mini Van

I just want to end this day by expressing my gratitude for my Adrian. This evening, we were in a serious car accident. Other than being very banged up and getting more and more sore as the adrenaline is wearing off, everyone is OK.

We had just turned onto HWY254 in front of Mossy Creek Camp Ground, heading home from Gainesville, when a driver lost control going around a curve at an extremely high and dangerous speed. The police measured 127 feet of skid marks, so he was probably taking the curve at around 60 miles an hour. The driver's car was heading right for us, head on. It was like a dream and I saw the car coming right through our windshield.

Adrian maneuvered the car in a way to avoid getting hit directly head on. I remember his voice sounding like an angel as he said, "We're going in the ditch and it's going to be OK." and then BOOM! Our mini van is totalled. Air bags on the side were deployed. Mollie's life was saved by her car seat AND the side air bag. She has a booster seat but I am SOOOO glad she was in her old five point harness car seat even though she is old enough for just the booster. If you could see what the door on her side looks like, you would know why I am so glad she was fully protected by the full car seat.

Jolie, Sydney, Fischer, Adrian and I were all wearing our seat belts. I would hate to think where we'd be right now had we not been wearing them. Nicholas was at Su Su's (my mother) house, so he wasn't in the car with us.

We are safe drivers. We don't speed. Adrian has the nick name of being a granny driver because he doesn't break the speed limit. But because of his focus and his caution, he saved our lives this evening and avoided a more serious accident.

As for the young man who was driving so crazy, we said a special prayer just for him tonight. He didn't even have a driver's license. We hope and pray he will take this lesson to heart and be so grateful he didn't seriously hurt or kill anybody.

Good night everyone who reads this. Please always buckle up when you get in the car. You never know what's around the corner. Lots of Love, Abigail

United Way Campaign Kick Off Speech

By trade, I have the opportunity to tell people what to do. In my line of work, I get to be a smarty-pants, a know-it-all. I dish out advice for a living and at times, I am very humbled, usually by one of my own children.

The older four unfortunately have access to the newspaper in their schools and their teachers even volunteer them to be readers of my weekly advice column to the class.

It has been reported that at times, they have read my advice to an impressed audience of their peers....and then blurted out laughing. Despite this fact, my awkward and quirky children have risen in the ranks of popularity simply because their mom is locally famous. I have gotten a lot of attention and interviews because of a book I recently published. What thanks do I get for this? None. None of this has gone to their precious messy-haired heads.

When my children are upset with me, which is like at least once a day-because inevitably, I will miss the mark on proper parenting despite what readers of "Ask Lula Belle" would be lead to believe.

I mean, as far as mothering goes, my instincts are strong. But life happens, PMS happens, teenage hormones happen, and my smart, capable, architect husband can easily morph into the village idiot who suffers from acute blindness when it comes to finding socks, shoes, or lunch boxes. I am sorry, but yelling is going to happen.

For three years running, I have tried giving up yelling as my New Year's Resolution. I've even tried giving it up for Lent. I am not sure if that is sacrilegious or not, but I was trying to be good. Yelling at my children and the meta morphing village idiot makes me feel momentarily so good. It is my little fix. I was willing to give it up for religious purposes. But lo, by the third day, I could fast no more. Like I said, PMS happens.

So, that is why, though I am well known for delivering right- on- the- money advice; my kids use it against me... thanks to the free newspapers in the school program.

When I am getting my fix, or "having a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment," spurred on my incomplete homework, a note form the teacher, or a unionized strike from dish duty announced by my five-year-old; their favorite response is surprisingly NOT to jump up and agree that my passionate "talk" has inspired them to do better and change their behavior.

No, they just smile in that "I am smarter than you" smile and say, "You call yourself an advice columnist?" "Here's some advice, mom: Take some of your own advice and STOP YELLING AT ME! YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!"

Or worse, later that night, when all has been forgiven, and I've tucked their little pajama'ed bodies in bed and taken a wonderful whiff of Johnson and Johnson's Baby Shampoo when I kissed their heads, or choked on the lingering hair spray on my teenager's, I go upstairs to check my Ask Lula Belle e mail, hoping for good questions for my next column, when I discover letters from THEM! My own kids! Seeking advice on how to deal with a crazy mother!

So, take my advice for what it is worth, which according to my five children and the village idiot is not much. I know in reality, I am not very smart, but as Forest Gump said, "I know I am not a smart man, Jenny, but I know what love is." Well, I know what love is too. And it is not a feeling, it is a verb. And to me, it means giving.

During the saddest part of my life, watching my father slowly slip from one existence to another as cancer took him away, I was able to tell him how much I admired him.

As he sat on the sofa, holding his newborn grandson in the crook of his arm, I told him he looked like a Golden Buddha.

It's true. That is what he looked like. You see, he was going through liver failure and his belly was distended from fluid. Plus, he was glowing and looked, well... golden.

"Daddy, tell us your secrets to Zen. You have lead such an enlightened life. Buddha doesn't have much on you. You are enlightened. Everything I need to know in life, I learned from you," I said.

Then he closed his eyes, smiled, and said, "Everything I needed to know in life, I learned in A.A."

My dad was a recovering drug addict and alcoholic who spent the last 24 years of his life learning a better way to live by practicing the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I suppose he will be clean and sober for all eternity and that when he walked through the pearly gates last year that he said, "Hi. I'm Mike, and I am an alcoholic." And that all the angels said, "Hi, Mike!" I do hope they have A.A. meetings in heaven.

My sisters and I grew up raised by two enlightened parents who lived their lives in recovery and openly shared with us their journey, one day at a time, around t he supper table. The philosophies our Daddy learned in A.A. spilled into every part of our lives. Like, "Take it one day at a time." "This too shall pass." "Don't sweat the small stuff." But my all time favorite A.A. slogan is threaded into my very being, and that is: "In order to keep it, you must give it away."

Mama and Daddy are the most generous people I have ever known. They have served as chair people for several United Way agencies and supported them with their time, talents, and donations. It is my mother's joy to help people in her community and it was my father's joy as well.

Daddy was a busy pediatrician who always was magically blessed with time to serve his community. Daddy was known for trading medical services for chickens, firewood, and arts and crafts from people who could not pay him. He literally gave all he had for the greater good. Instead of an inheritance, my family is left with a non profit foundation called the J. Michael Hosford Foundation which supports United Way agencies in the North Georgia area so that we can honor our father by continuing his life's work of helping those in need.

My father's act of giving all he had enabled him to "keep" many blessings such as: happiness, a sense of well-being, peace, and friendship. The lesson of "In order to keep it, you must give it away" that he left my sisters and me is worth more than gold.

And since you are sitting in this room, I can assume you know this lesson too and it is threaded into your very being. All of you know what it means when I say, "In order to keep it, you must give it away." I am willing to go out on a limb and say that each of you do what you do because it makes you feel good. You give away your time, and you are blessed with a sense of well-being. You volunteer your talents and you are blessed with special friendships.

'Cause I know you don't work for United Way agencies for the money. And I know you didn't volunteer today because you had nothing else to do, so you must be here for a reason and that reason is you know what my Daddy taught me. You know you are giving it away but keeping it and more.

Have you ever noticed that when you generously give money, that you never miss it? You never balance your check book and say, "Oh, man...if I had just not given that ten dollars to the Boy Scouts!" or, "Gee, if I had not given a $200.00 donation to Challenged Child and Friends, I could buy that cute outfit I saw at Anne Taylor yesterday."

Nope, you don't miss it because you gave it away and you can keep it. You have what you need. You have helped someone. You have made your community a better place.

For this United Way campaign, I have this advice for you: Kick it off by sharing this philosophy with everyone you know. Get out there and tell folks that in order to keep it, they must give it away. If they think you are nuts, tell them your story of how being generous and giving allows you to receive so many blessings.

You want everyone to feel as good as you do, so get out there and spread the word to your community that for what it costs to take their family through the drive thru, that United Way can turn that 20 bucks into a lot of goodness. And they won't miss it one bit. In fact, they will be blessed with a good feeling and a new friend.

A priest, two ministers and a rabbi walked into a room. (This sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn't it?) But really, a priest, two ministers and a rabbi recognized the need for cooperative action to address their city's welfare problems way back in 1887.

These religious leaders in their community of Denver put their heads together to plan the first United Campaign for ten health and welfare agencies. They created an organization to serve as a agent to collect funds for local charities, as well as to coordinate relief services, counsel and refer clients to cooperating agencies, and make emergency assistance grants in cases which could not be referred.

That year, in 1887, Denver raised $21,700.00 and created a movement that would spread throughout the country to become the United Way.

Here we are, 122 years later, and United Way is still focused on mobilizing the caring power of communities and making a difference in people's lives.

So, thank you to each of you who LOVE your community. Remember love is a verb. Through your giving of your time, talents and financial support, you are LOVING your community.

Like I said, in my line of work, I get to tell people what to do. My five children and the idiot, (I mean my husband) may point out my shortcomings, and some weeks my questions may come from people asking about potty training, unwanted facial hair, and how to get their kids to stop eating their boogers.

I may seem to have all the answers, but in reality, I don't know much. But thanks to my father, I do know one thing for sure and that is: In order to keep it, you must give it away. And I am very grateful there are people like you who know this too. You make this world a better place by helping your community in the ways in which you do.

Good luck, best wishes, and may your campaign be blessed with generous giving and grateful keeping. Thank you!

Labor Day Weekend

Autism Part 5

We have recently been asked by our insurance company if Nicholas is considered disabled. I was not sure how to respond to that question. I mean, I know what his diagnosis is and I know it is something he'll face forever, not something he will grow out of. But disabled? I choked back the tears that evidently are evidence of my changing hormones since they now come so frequently and easily. It seems I am entering a new season in life, if you will. But I choked on the lump in my throat and proceeded to tell the unsuspecting lady all the wonderful things Nicholas CAN do. Her purpose of the call had nothing to do with weather or not our son could build "amazing" Lego creations or that he can line up his cars and trains to an exact right angle or that even though he cannot communicate in sentences or sing his ABC's, that he CAN tell you what letter magnet you are pointing to on the fridge AND most of the time, it looks like he is not even LOOKING! "I believe he's like psychic or something," I told the lady.

"Well, isn't that nice. But is he disabled?" She wanted to know. I told her I wasn't sure. Aren't all three and a half years olds, "disabled?" I asked. I mean, none of the three and a half year olds I know, know how to fully take care of themselves. Most of them still poop in their pants on occasion and miss their mouths when eating spaghetti. "Really, all three years olds are still pretty retarded if you ask me," I said.

There's that R word. In some respects, Nicholas, my beautiful little boy, is considered retarded. Slow to learn, developmentally delayed, behind his peers, however you want to say it. But I am retarded at certain things too. I can't really grasp physics or spell worth a crap without spell- check. But I have other gifts, and so does Nicholas. I try to just focus on the things he CAN do. He is pretty amazing and I do believe he is psychic.

I have no problem sharing with my friends and family about the journey we are walking through the maze of autism, but to say my son is "disabled," I cannot do. I can read his reports from speech therapists that he is over a year behind and explain to people at the park why Nicholas is so weird. Why he flaps his arms and spins around a lot. And when he sees other children his age, why he goes nuts laughing his head off in their faces and touches them to the point of being annoying.

But to outwardly admit that he is "disabled" sucks the hope right out of my soul. And I cannot do that. It is hope that gets me through the day. It is hope that opens my eyes to my son's future, one where he will not just be "functioning" but thriving. It is why we drop him off with my mother (who is a true angel on earth) on Sunday nights and he stays with her until Tuesday evenings so he can go to Challenged Child and Friends. It is why we have immersed ourselves into learning sign language. It is why we will take him to a barn to ride horses for Hippo Therapy. It is why we have his daily care down to a science to avoid too many freak outs and blunderous temper tantrums. If we didn't have hope, we wouldn't bother with any of this. I guess we'd just settle for a "disabled" kid and not let talk of early intervention and setting up appointments with experts dominate our conversations.

So, after a rather long conversation with our insurance lady, I finally said, "Nicholas is ABLED. He has challenges, like we all do. I don't know what the future will be like because in reality, as he grows older, he becomes less and less like his peers his own age. As he gets older, it seems he gets quirkier. But I still am full of hope, so don't take that away by sticking him with some lable. Nicholas is Nicholas. He is not Autism or Pervasive Developmental Delay. Once you've met one autistic, child, you have met one autistic child. They are all different. Nicholas is special. I hope that answers your question. Have a nice day."

Back to School and Football

The summer vacation went by way too quickly and the children began school 3 weeks ago. Mollie had her first day of kindergarten! We asked her if she wanted daddy or me to take her and she said, "I want to ride the bus!" We asked if she was sure and she replied in a very sophisticated attitude, "I have waited my WHOLE life to ride the bus. I am riding the bus."

Fischer promised to sit with her and escort her to her class room when they arrived at school. I was choking back the ugly kind of tears when Mollie got up those huge steps onto The Big Cheese! Her little Minnie Mouse book bag almost made her fall right out backwards off the first step, so I had to push her back into the bus. As soon as it drove away down the winding dirt road, I cried all day in jags thinking about how proud I am of my sweet children.

Jolie began her sophomore year at White County High School. She is so happy to finally be at the real high school. (Freshman go to the Ninth Grade Academy.) She is already in two plays. One is for the One Act Competition and I think it is called Strata. I am sure it is obscure. I loved Bat Boy last year. She is also in Clue The Musical. As in the board game! It is a mystery theatre production meaning the audience will determine the outcomes each performance! Love that! Jolie is playing the quick witted detective. Her lines are hilarious and the music is awesome. I can't wait til it comes out. Jolie's love life has blossomed and she is back together with her dear friend, Ben. I love Ben. He is so smart and cool.

Sydney is in drama too and has the same teacher as Jolie. Sydney began 7th grade at the White County Middle School. I must say, I am so pleased with the staff and principal at the Middle School who actually seem to understand what a learning disability is. I believe this will be Sydney's best year. Already, she is excited and determined to be successful and work hard. She is overwhelmed at times, but she has hope for the first time in a LONG time. Sydney has been writing poetry in her reading class. It is so beautiful and insightful. I hope she will let me share it on my blog sometime. Sydney is still dating her long time boyfriend, Dustin. He is the most wonderful boyfriend. He just "gets" Sydney and they are so cute together. I think he's more like her best friend.

Fischer started 3rd grade and being a young man of few words says, "It's fine." when I ask him how school is. He has his nose constantly in a book and even walks while reading. Even at family night supper at church on Wednesday, he kept reading while he went through the line to get his food. The problem is, he has to now keep a reading log and write a summary of what he's reading. He isn't too keen on that and forgets to really keep up with it. Oh, well. The big news for Fischer is that he is on the Tiny Mites White County Warrior Football Team! Now, I have to admit I wasn't very encouraging of his desire to play this sport. I always thought the chess team was a better fit. But guess what. He LOVES it! He works so hard at all the practices. Wearing the helmet itself is a work out. It is tough. And Fischer cannot run or catch a ball to save his life. However, he doesn't give up. In fact his coaches gave him the nick name of Sponge Bob 'cause he gets knocked down and then pops right back up. He never quits. Fischer is quite awkward at running and I am pleased to say NONE of the little boys make fun of him! In fact, I hear them cheering him on when they do their drills and leave him in the dust. He has a great team and really wonderful coaches. And, we did learn Fischer has a hidden talent! Who knew he could play a defensive line man because he can dive for the legs and his skinny little self can sneak right in there and take down the rival! He takes him down to China Town! Recently, in a scrimmage, Fischer took down the running back and ended up at the bottom of a dog pile. All you could see were his skinny little legs hanging out under all these boys. The coaches ran over to get everyone off and pulled Fischer out. They said, "Are you OK? Are you OK?" And Fischer said, "That was awesome! I've always wanted to do that!" Football has been good for Fischer. He really is running faster than he ever could before. He and Adrian have enjoyed practicing in the yard, throwing the ball around. When asked about football, my son of few words spoke so eloquently. He said, "Well, the players on my team are each like an atom. together, we make something bigger." WOW! Then he went on to explain the nano particles of an atom and how stands inside quirks are vibrating and that is like God. (...and, whooosh, it was over my head.)

Sorry I wrote so much about Fischer, but being the definite middle child in the family, he typically gets left out. So, he's the highlight this time! Go Fischer!

Mollie is a diva. She celebrated her 5th birthday at the park on the 13th. If you look at the picture of the picnic table, you will see her in the dark pink shirt with her friends. Fischer is in the orange, Grayson is in the white shirt by Mollie, then Lilly and Lilly's mom in the blue shirt, and then Alana. On the other side (not pictured) is her friend from Resurrection Episcopal Preschool, Sebastian. She had fun at her party and felt like a princess.

Nicholas started school at Challenged Child and Friends last week. He gets speech and occupational therapy while he's there. I love this school. I began volunteering there when I was 13 way back when the program was just beginning and they operated in the First Baptist Church. Then I worked there in the old building and Jolie and Sydney both went there. Jolie was one of their first "And Friends." Now Nicholas is going and I am really excited about it. It's a state of the art school in a new state of the art facility. There really is a special feeling you get when you are there.

Well, that's about all for now! T.T.F.N.