I am having a hard time comprehending that I actually finished my first semester in college. For many of you who went to college right after high school this may be difficult to understand what the big deal is. To me, it's a huge deal. I wasn't even sure if I could do it. Seriously. My trying attitdue was right, but my head was also filled with doubts. Many doubts.
I waited a long time for my turn to learn. When I was the traditional age of a freshman, I was going through quite a lot. I was living a nightmare, actually. I went away to college but dropped out and took incompletes in everything. I got married when I was 19 and started a family. I taught music lessons, I babysat, a taught preschool for years, but always part time and I brought my children with me. I wanted to be a stay at home mother more than anything in this world. It was important to me that I be the one raising my children, especially when they were babies. I wanted to breast feed them and care for them all the time. So, I decided to wait until my youngest child started kindergarten until I went back to school. I had to wait such a long time because I kept on having babies!
Well, today was my last exam of the semester. I was about to leave my house to drive the 20 miles to my school when I realized I locked my keys in the house. Oh, no. My heart just sank. I have worked so hard, I didn't want the semester to end on the note of me missing my German exam.
I called Adrian. We tried to think of windows I could break. We cannot afford to replace windows right now, so he mentioned the ladder and the back deck being a possibility. It's a sliding glass door and we don't always lock it because it is so high off the ground. He was working so he couldn't really talk. I was in a hurry and on a mission. I got the ladder. It was raining. My shoes were filling up with mud and water. Cold mud and water. I had quite a time maneuvering that huge ladder. It must weigh at least 60 pounds. I was cussin', let me tell you. Cussin' and cryin' in the rain. And the damn ladder got hung up in a tree while I was trying to get it into the right place. I cussed and cried some more. And then I thought, "What am I doing? I cannot climb up there. It's like 13 feet in the air! Plus, the only ladder I have ever climbed is a step stool. I am too fat to climb up this thing. And I am terrified of heights! I get dizzy on the step ladder. Seriously."
After finanlly getting the ladder in the right place, I stepped on the first rung and I prayed. Please don't let me fall. I have five kids. They need a mother. No one will know I am on the ground for hours and hours. I will die. In the mud and probably in the dog shit. Oh, god. I stepped in that too.
I went up one more. Please don't let me fall.
I went up higher and higher. I was the scariest thing ever. And just like going to college, it may not seem like a big deal that I climbed a big ladder, but it is huge to me. And it is raining. And I am totally alone. And I have cold mud, water, and dog shit in my favorite shoes.
I reached the top and realized I didn't exactly know what to do next. Do I hold on to the rail and let go of the ladder? How? Oh, my goodness! I wanted to climb back down right then and there. But I'd made it that far. Why quit now? Gosh, hours and hours must have already passed. I am sure I've missed the exam.
Letting go was the hardest part. I am much too fat to be hoisting myself up on some wooden railing. Maybe I can just let myself fall onto the deck and try to roll to avoid cracking my head. But of course, seeing as how we are rednecks deep down, our broken dishwasher is in the way. And so is the grill. Why our dishwasher is still on the deck is beyond me. Why the hell is it stil out here? That dumb thing flooded the basement from the upstairs kitchen over the summer. Yeah, at the same time our aircondition unit broke when it was 104 degrees outside! That was hell. And I mean that. So is the dishwasher on the back deck as a reminder of how we survived washing dishes for 7 people by hand every day when it was 104 freakin' degrees last summer?
I don't know how I did it, but all at once, I realized both my feet were on the top deck railing and I was off the ladder. It was sooooo high. "Do not look down. I repeat: do not look down," said the little voice in my head.
Of couse I looked down.
The ground was so far away and my dog looked like an ant.
I felt dizzy. I squated down with my big butt in the air and my head pointed down on the deck's floor. I eased one leg down. Slowly. Gently. I began to feel graceful. Like a tighrope walker when they dip one leg down. Only I was wet. And fat. And I had cold mud, water, and dog shit in my shoe. And I was crying.
My leg was dipped down as far as it could go and there was like a foot of air between it at the deck floor. Why do I have to have such short legs? I am stuck. I am stuck in this awkward position. Looking like a mom on crack, playing circus on her back deck, 13 feet above the ground. It's my leg with the bad ankle. The one I shattered in a car accident 17 years ago that aches when it is raining. Why does it have to be raining?
If I jump onto this leg, I may have to just hop to my exam. And watch the sliding glass door be locked. If it is, I will break the whole door with my fist if I have to.
And then, plop! Down I go. No big deal. I am safe. Whew! And the door is unlocked. I run in, get my keys off the key hook, jump in my car, use some handy dandy baby wipes to do a quick clean up on my hands and shoes and sweater. I fly like the wind to my college, get to the parking lot. It is totally full. I park on the street. I run. OK, so I did that weird old lady walk/run thingie. I saw my friend. We high fived each other, in a matter of speaking, for surviving the semester (he has kids and a full plate too) and then I sat down in my desk only 3 minutes late.
It was a miracle. Sorta. I did that whole ladder/ deck scaling thing in about five minutes... though it seemed much longer, lemme tell ya!
It was an appropriate ending to my first semester. I did something I didn't think I could do. I took on 5 college classes and I made a 4.0. When I don't overthink things, and just take things one step or one rung at a time, and PRAY HARD, I can do just about anything. And for me, that's a huge lesson.
And goodness gracious, I'd be a chicken in a hen box if there wasn't a RAINBOW in the sky when I got back home! I tell you what, life is really like that. It really is.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
World Religion Class
"None of the religious traditions we have studied would still be around if they had not offered human beings valuable ways of thinking about and responding to ultimate reality. What, in your opinion, is the single most valuable teaching of each religion we have studied?"
Judaism- There is one God and the covenant Moses made with God established a set of moral and ritual obligations. Follow these obligations (follow Torah) and you will be happy. (and for all those who love Jesus, Jews believe Jesus to be a prophet. I think they don't share the opinion that He is the Messiah because according to scripture (I think in Isaiah, it says that when the Messiah comes, there will be no more war, no more fighting and no more tears, or something like that. Well, there is not peace in the middle east yet, so I guess the Messiah hasn't come yet?) A Christian response is that He did come, but He has to come again. There's some difference for you. I am not sure where it says He will come twice in the Old Testament. But I am still reading it, so maybe I haven't gotten to that part. However, I am not sure I'll find that part in my first straight read -thru, if a bazillion people before me haven't seen it. Any way, interesting food for thought for me. And, by the way, it is very wrong to say Jews hate Jesus. My first Christmas card of the year came from one of my Jewish friends. I know she doesn't have a hate bone in her body.)
Christianity- There is one God and God loved the world so much that He sent His son, Jesus to save humanity and to conquer humanity's weakness. Claim Jesus as your Savior and you will be happy. (Other faiths may wonder if Christians are really monotheistic...is Jesus a god? Is that polytheistic? The theology of the trinity was actually adopted in the 4 century, so it's kinda a "new" belief. Hindus embrace the Christian's view of the trinity because they believe there are many gods. Jews and Muslims do not because they only believe in one God according to the first five books which all three Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) happen to share. Some Christians reject the interpretation of the trinity that says Jesus is a god. Others believe He was God in human form but it makes me wonder who He was talking to on the cross and why He called God: "Father" throughout His life. And why does John 3:16 say God sent His only begotten son? Some Christians believe He was the actual begotten son of God (conceived by the Holy Ghost and born of the Virgin Mary), so He is separate just as my daughter is not Abigail and when addressing me, it would be weird for someone to address her, thinking they were talking to me. Others keep the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost separate and never pray to Jesus, and only say His name at the end. The book, The Shack, does a wonderful illustration of the trinity that might help some people discover a new way to look at things.)
Islam- There is one God. Islam means submission. If you will totally submit to God (follow the Qur'an, perform Salat, follow the Five Pillars), you will be happy. (Jesus is a prophet in this faith and is mentioned in the Qur'an more times than Muhammad. I know of Muslims who wear T Shirts that say, "I love Jesus" and they do. I loved reading about Jesus in the Qur'an. It was awesome. The Christmas story is in there and everything. You should check it out if you ever get the chance.) And please! Do not think Muslims are terrorists. This is a bad misunderstanding. I have heard so many people speculate if the President is a Muslim and the way they say it is as if this is terrible. Just the other day, during a heated debate in English class, someone lumped terrorists with the entire Islamic faith in one sentence. It is wrong. It would be like me saying that all Christians are child molesters just because I know someone who was molested by their priest. Please, terrorists make up a small (in comparison of the entire Muslim faith) handful of fanatics who are not following the teachings of their own faith. They have twisted it and defiled it. Just as some Christians may twist scriptures that might make it seem OK for them to beat their wives in order to exert their authority and make their wives submit.
Hinduism- There is one Supreme Being (Brahman) but many gods and goddesses. The heart of the religion is discovering experimental knowledge of the relationship between the human soul (Atman) and the Supreme Being. Practice the four yogas and you will be happy. (Jesus is an avatara in this Faith. You can follow Him. He can be your "Way" in discovering your relationship between your soul and The Divine. By the way, exploring other faiths, other Ways, can make your relationship with your Truth even stronger and more beautiful.)
Buddhism- Buddha passed into everlasting Nirvana 2,500 years ago. He found enlightenment at the age of 35 and spent the following 45 years teaching what he knew (dharma.) If you follow the Eightfold path, you will be happy. (At the Buddhist Temple, I was surprised how many times the teacher (a monk) emphasized not to leave your own belief, because it was all "There." You can find enlightenment and happiness where you are today. The Noble Eightfold Path is for everyone. Meditation is for everyone. In this faith, Jesus is a bodhisattva. Look that up. It's beautiful.)
After studying these five major world religions, I have found they all share so much in common. I cannot even pick a favorite if my own beliefs did not exist. I wouldn't know which one I would want to explore first. It would be like asking me to choose which of my children I love the most. They are all so different, but I love them all the same. This does not mean I subscribe to every belief, because I don't. But, it would be incorrect for me to state I love religion one over another.
It seems to me that the purpose of each religion is to discover a relationship with The Divine in order to find happiness. Different religions use different tools and techniques to cultivate their relationship with The Divine, but at the heart of it all, maybe it's all the same.
Sometimes I like to think of an Ultimate Truth. If we all knew what that Ultimate Truth was, we'd only have one religion to study and we'd all accept it. At least that's my opinion. Most people believe what they believe because to them, it's their Truth. But my Truth might be different from your Truth and I don't like it when people say, "My Truth is truer than yours." Let's face it, we all come from different life experiences and different traditions. That plays a major part in what we decide to believe. I have had a different life experience than a woman who lives in Afghanistan. As well as I've had a different life experience than my next door neighbor. How can we say other people are wrong when they are just going by their own personal experiences coming to their own conclusions of what the Truth is?
When I think about the Ultimate Truth, it makes me wonder if don't all have fragments of this Ultimate Truth. Maybe it all got split apart and manifested into all these different world religions. I like to think of the Ultimate Truth being like an enormous, glowing ball, like the sun. It became so full of love, it exploded (big bang) and it burst into pieces. Orgasmic! Maybe my Truth is just a piece of The Ultimate and everyone else has a different piece of it too. Maybe if and when we all come together, we will see It, like a puzzle with scattered pieces being put together. It will be the BIG LOVE right here on earth!
I have learned so much in my World Religion class and it was only an introduction. It has made me hungry for more knowledge, more understanding. I wish everyone in the whole, wide world could take this class. It wouldn't matter if they believed in a higher power or not. Because whatever your Truth is, it matters to me and it matters to the world. We need to all be friends so we can put our pieces together and create something so beautiful. Imagine!
Judaism- There is one God and the covenant Moses made with God established a set of moral and ritual obligations. Follow these obligations (follow Torah) and you will be happy. (and for all those who love Jesus, Jews believe Jesus to be a prophet. I think they don't share the opinion that He is the Messiah because according to scripture (I think in Isaiah, it says that when the Messiah comes, there will be no more war, no more fighting and no more tears, or something like that. Well, there is not peace in the middle east yet, so I guess the Messiah hasn't come yet?) A Christian response is that He did come, but He has to come again. There's some difference for you. I am not sure where it says He will come twice in the Old Testament. But I am still reading it, so maybe I haven't gotten to that part. However, I am not sure I'll find that part in my first straight read -thru, if a bazillion people before me haven't seen it. Any way, interesting food for thought for me. And, by the way, it is very wrong to say Jews hate Jesus. My first Christmas card of the year came from one of my Jewish friends. I know she doesn't have a hate bone in her body.)
Christianity- There is one God and God loved the world so much that He sent His son, Jesus to save humanity and to conquer humanity's weakness. Claim Jesus as your Savior and you will be happy. (Other faiths may wonder if Christians are really monotheistic...is Jesus a god? Is that polytheistic? The theology of the trinity was actually adopted in the 4 century, so it's kinda a "new" belief. Hindus embrace the Christian's view of the trinity because they believe there are many gods. Jews and Muslims do not because they only believe in one God according to the first five books which all three Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) happen to share. Some Christians reject the interpretation of the trinity that says Jesus is a god. Others believe He was God in human form but it makes me wonder who He was talking to on the cross and why He called God: "Father" throughout His life. And why does John 3:16 say God sent His only begotten son? Some Christians believe He was the actual begotten son of God (conceived by the Holy Ghost and born of the Virgin Mary), so He is separate just as my daughter is not Abigail and when addressing me, it would be weird for someone to address her, thinking they were talking to me. Others keep the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost separate and never pray to Jesus, and only say His name at the end. The book, The Shack, does a wonderful illustration of the trinity that might help some people discover a new way to look at things.)
Islam- There is one God. Islam means submission. If you will totally submit to God (follow the Qur'an, perform Salat, follow the Five Pillars), you will be happy. (Jesus is a prophet in this faith and is mentioned in the Qur'an more times than Muhammad. I know of Muslims who wear T Shirts that say, "I love Jesus" and they do. I loved reading about Jesus in the Qur'an. It was awesome. The Christmas story is in there and everything. You should check it out if you ever get the chance.) And please! Do not think Muslims are terrorists. This is a bad misunderstanding. I have heard so many people speculate if the President is a Muslim and the way they say it is as if this is terrible. Just the other day, during a heated debate in English class, someone lumped terrorists with the entire Islamic faith in one sentence. It is wrong. It would be like me saying that all Christians are child molesters just because I know someone who was molested by their priest. Please, terrorists make up a small (in comparison of the entire Muslim faith) handful of fanatics who are not following the teachings of their own faith. They have twisted it and defiled it. Just as some Christians may twist scriptures that might make it seem OK for them to beat their wives in order to exert their authority and make their wives submit.
Hinduism- There is one Supreme Being (Brahman) but many gods and goddesses. The heart of the religion is discovering experimental knowledge of the relationship between the human soul (Atman) and the Supreme Being. Practice the four yogas and you will be happy. (Jesus is an avatara in this Faith. You can follow Him. He can be your "Way" in discovering your relationship between your soul and The Divine. By the way, exploring other faiths, other Ways, can make your relationship with your Truth even stronger and more beautiful.)
Buddhism- Buddha passed into everlasting Nirvana 2,500 years ago. He found enlightenment at the age of 35 and spent the following 45 years teaching what he knew (dharma.) If you follow the Eightfold path, you will be happy. (At the Buddhist Temple, I was surprised how many times the teacher (a monk) emphasized not to leave your own belief, because it was all "There." You can find enlightenment and happiness where you are today. The Noble Eightfold Path is for everyone. Meditation is for everyone. In this faith, Jesus is a bodhisattva. Look that up. It's beautiful.)
After studying these five major world religions, I have found they all share so much in common. I cannot even pick a favorite if my own beliefs did not exist. I wouldn't know which one I would want to explore first. It would be like asking me to choose which of my children I love the most. They are all so different, but I love them all the same. This does not mean I subscribe to every belief, because I don't. But, it would be incorrect for me to state I love religion one over another.
It seems to me that the purpose of each religion is to discover a relationship with The Divine in order to find happiness. Different religions use different tools and techniques to cultivate their relationship with The Divine, but at the heart of it all, maybe it's all the same.
Sometimes I like to think of an Ultimate Truth. If we all knew what that Ultimate Truth was, we'd only have one religion to study and we'd all accept it. At least that's my opinion. Most people believe what they believe because to them, it's their Truth. But my Truth might be different from your Truth and I don't like it when people say, "My Truth is truer than yours." Let's face it, we all come from different life experiences and different traditions. That plays a major part in what we decide to believe. I have had a different life experience than a woman who lives in Afghanistan. As well as I've had a different life experience than my next door neighbor. How can we say other people are wrong when they are just going by their own personal experiences coming to their own conclusions of what the Truth is?
When I think about the Ultimate Truth, it makes me wonder if don't all have fragments of this Ultimate Truth. Maybe it all got split apart and manifested into all these different world religions. I like to think of the Ultimate Truth being like an enormous, glowing ball, like the sun. It became so full of love, it exploded (big bang) and it burst into pieces. Orgasmic! Maybe my Truth is just a piece of The Ultimate and everyone else has a different piece of it too. Maybe if and when we all come together, we will see It, like a puzzle with scattered pieces being put together. It will be the BIG LOVE right here on earth!
I have learned so much in my World Religion class and it was only an introduction. It has made me hungry for more knowledge, more understanding. I wish everyone in the whole, wide world could take this class. It wouldn't matter if they believed in a higher power or not. Because whatever your Truth is, it matters to me and it matters to the world. We need to all be friends so we can put our pieces together and create something so beautiful. Imagine!
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