Father's Day Column 2011

Holding the back of the bicycle

Dear Lula Belle,

Since it is almost Father’s Day, what is the best advice your dad ever gave to you? I met your dad when he first came to Gainesville. I was working at the hospital. He was our pediatrician for all our kids. My son went to him till he was married. He got real sad when your dad said he had to go to a grown up doctor from then on. Soon, he had a child of his own and Dr. Mike was the baby’s doctor. We miss him so much and we love your whole family. –Just a friend

Dear Friend,

I was thinking the other day about the time my daddy taught me how to ride a bicycle without training wheels. I was six years old and had a hand-me-down bike from my cousin, Chris. It had a banana seat with flames on it. I thought I was Evel Knievel. My daddy made me practice in the back yard on the grass before I could ride on the cement driveway.

Daddy, in his colorful plaid pants, shirt with the big collar, and penny loafers would hold on to the back of the seat to steady the bike and run along with me as I pedaled as hard as I could. I would holler, “Don’t let go! Don’t let go!” and from some distance behind me, I would hear him say, “I already did! You are doing it!” I would look back and then consequently crash. He would make me get right back up and do it again.

Life sure is a lot like learning to ride a bike. We all need someone to hold us steady sometimes. We all need a push. And the one helping us has to know when to let go and allow us do it on our own. We must learn to only look back when necessary and even then to do it quickly and carefully or else we will crash into what is up ahead. When we fall, it is important to get right back on and do it again. I am glad my father made me get right back on even when I was scared. I am sure if mama was the one teaching me, she would have let me come inside.

Life is a balance. We all need our mamas to nurture us and kiss our boo- boo’s. Mamas are the ones we run to when we need some comfort. But it’s our daddies who make us get back on the bike. They are strong enough to hold us steady until we get it right.

Daddy didn’t give up on me. He believed in me and before too long, I was riding in the driveway with my big sister. For hours we would ride in circles playing Charlie’s Angels. Some imaginary bad guy would be on our tails and we would pretend our bicycles were motorcycles. Within a week, I was riding on the street and through empty parking lots on Sunday afternoons.

Daddy was an enlightened man. When I was fourteen, he told me, “To every valley, there are at least two mountains.” I think of him saying this quite often. I was crying in my bedroom, heartbroken over a boy when he stuck his head in my door way and said this to me. It has stayed in my heart all these years. It’s probably the best advice he ever gave me. Even when we are at the bottom of a valley, there are at least two ways up. It gives me hope. It was his way of holding me steady so I could start pedaling again. I have pedaled over many a mountain this way.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads who hold the back of the bicycle. Thank you for running alongside us until we get it right. Thank you for holding us steady. And thank you for making us get back on when we fall.

Need Advice? Ask Lula Belle by sending your questions to: asklulabelle@windstream.net  

(Daddy and my little sister, celebrating the birth of her first son 2008)

Daddy, we miss you so much.  We wish you were here.  We still need you.  There are moments we are still lost and our hearts break into a million pieces when we want to see you.  But we are mighty grateful that you were the kind of Daddy who held the back of the bicycle.  Everything you taught us and the love you shared with others is in our hearts forever.  I know you somehow watch over us.  I don't know how it works, but it does.