The Daddy Test

It was December 1999.  Jolie was five and Sydney was three. I was a single mother and Adrian and I were falling in love.  Adrian was 40 years old and had never been a father before. I thought it would be good to have a series of tests to see if he would be a good father or not. The first test was a very simple one.

It was right before Christmas and I had to work at the church for the Christmas Pageant. We lived right across the street from our church. I told him his task was to strap Sydney into the stroller, hold Jolie's hand, meet me at the church, go through the pageant, return to my apartment, and then play for a little while until I came home.

Easy cheesy! No big deal. Adrian was doing great. He thought it was a breeze. He looked so proud walking through the church with the little girls.  My heart melted when I saw the three of them together. 

But when he got the girls back home and got Sydney out of the stroller, Sydney pushed Jolie to the floor. Jolie started crying. Adrian knelt down and comforted her. He said, "It's OK, it's just a little boo boo." She let him hold her. They were bonding. Adrian was pleased with his great fathering skills. They shared a cuddle moment. And then he looked around and said, "Where's Sydney?"

He ran upstairs and found Sydney standing on the vanity in the bathroom with a pair of scissors in her hand going chop, chop, chop! Adrian saw gobs of beautiful golden curls all over the floor!

About that time, I came home. Adrian had tears in his eyes and he was so sorry. I know he thought I was going to be mad.

I asked, "Do you want to run away?"

And he said, "No."

So I said, "Well....then you passed the test!"

If he knew how far he would be tested in the 11 years that have followed, I think he might have said, "Yes!  I want to run away!"

We got engaged on New Year's Eve after this event.  Our engagement only lasted 6 weeks.  We had only known each other for a total of 12 weeks when we got married.  Isn't that crazy?  It really is.  But I highly recommend this for all couples.  Get married while you're still hopelessly in love with each other.  Everyone has undesirable qualities.  It's kinda nice to go ahead and commit your whole life to someone before you know what those bad qualities are.  It's like a dream.  Every marriage is based on a wing and a prayer any way.  You can know someone all your life and that doesn't mean you'll have a good marriage.

Well, we had a baby a year later, he adopted the girls, and then two more babies followed.  I cannot tell you the number of Daddy tests Adrian has endured with five children.  Some have been quite typical and others have been really challenging and some even heartbreaking.  Adrian has passed every time with flying colors.  He is so calm and loving.  And he knows how to say he is sorry on the rare occasions he falls short.  Perhaps this is his best quality because I sure know a lot of people who do not know how to apologize.

Plus, he still tells the best bed time stories.  I hope that when our children are all grown up, the memories of their Daddy sitting on the edge of their beds making up elaborate, personalized fairy tales will stay in their hearts.  I hope they will remember the many fishing adventures he's taken them on, the camping trips, and the Daddy daughter dates to the nail salons, the interesting dinner table conversations when he teaches us things about science, the world, or openly discusses his spiritual beliefs.

Girls, remember that he gave you a diamond ring on your 13th birthday and told you he wanted to be the first man to give you a diamond.  Boys, remember your man adventures doing target practice and camping without us girls.

I want you to know that he is the one who picks out most of your Christmas presents.  He is like a kid in a candy store and spends a lot of time picking gifts that would be just right for each of you.  On the rare occasions when there is extra money left over, he spends it on each of you. 

Hold it in your heart what it felt like to go on his famous helicopter rides when he would hold you above his head and spin you around, or when he'd make you walk on the ceiling, or when he held you steady so you could ride a bike.  Remember these things.  Forget about the road trips of all seven of us being stuck in the van together, OK? 

Adrian once said that parents are like artists and they aren't appreciated until they are dead.  It rings true sometimes.  I know we frequently forget to show our appreciation for him.  We forget to think about how hard he works to provide for all of us.  We forget how thin he is spread making sure all six of us feel loved and special and he juggles caring for his elderly mother too.  I don't know how he does it all. 

Adrian, you really are the best father I have ever known in my whole entire life and I am not just saying that because you are the father of my children.  You have the sweetest heart and you lead this family with such a gentle spirit.  You are a really good teacher and you know how to play.

We love you so much and hope you know it.
xoxo