I am feeling better about everything concerning Nicholas now. Last week I felt a lot of pressure to figure out a plan. It was overwhelming. This week, I feel like I can breathe a little bit. I can take it one thing at a time. I really did feel an urgent need to make a million appointments for all these therapies he needs. Now I realize that was asking too much of myself. It will be more of a process, I can now see.
Nicholas really is the same little boy he was a few weeks ago without this diagnoses. I love him the same. Perhaps now I feel sorry for him, which I didn't before. That may not be a good thing. He doesn't need me to feel sorry for him. I find myself projecting the future too much and at times am consumed with worry that he will be isolated and never get married or even go to school and make friends. I know it's not helpful to think these things.
Most importantly, we are a family. My concerns for Nicholas are mixed in with concerns I have for Jolie, Sydney, Fischer and Mollie. All of us have challenges. Each one of our children has SOMETHING that ain't quite right....right? I truly believe that no matter what special help one gets for their special needs, that if they are missing love at home, then nothing else matters any way. Now, I may not be an expert on autism or puberty or learning disabilites or food allergies or whatever....but as Forest Gump said, "I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is, Jenny."
Well....I know what love is too. And for now, that's enough for me.
3 comments:
Well said, Abi. Take it one day at a time (remember the saying about eating an elephant)and know that lots of love helps make everything better.
right on.
You're awesome! I've always loved the way your mind works Abi!
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