Autism part 6

When we first found out that Nicholas had autism, we were overwhelmed with all the "stuff" we needed to do. Plus, we felt really horrible trying to decide if it was some how our fault that he had a problem. We became very angry about the vaccine he had right after his first birthday. Nicholas had a terrible reaction to the MMR. His fever got up to 105 and it stayed that way even with Tylenol and Motrin, rotating every two hours for an entire week. I have feelings that the fever caused some brain damage. Or maybe it was all the toxins in that stupid vaccine. Or maybe it's just the way life happened. All I know, is that our precious baby was never the same afterwards. He wasn't happy any more. The cooing and smiling stopped. The little sounds he was learning to make stopped. He also stopped growing normally. Nicholas is almost 4 years old now but can still wear 18 month sizes, although many of his clothes are size 2T. He weighs 23 pounds. Nicholas is tiny. If you could see him naked, he looks like a starving child.

And then, I think about how quirky Sydney (his big sister) is and how she has matured into a totally wonderful 13 year old. Despite her learning disabilities, she is incredibly smart. So, maybe Nicholas' issues are genetic. Nicholas' developmental pediatrician said it is very common for a boy with autism to have a sister with learning differences. Plus, talk about sensory integration dysfunction! I could write a book about my experiences raising Sydney who was diagnosed with S.I.D. when she was 4. Plus she had a significant speech delay too. And whoa! Look at her now! It's hard to get that child to be quiet! So, maybe it's all related some how. But I still get mad when I think about my happy baby getting his vaccine when he was one. I will never know for sure why it happened because there is no way to go back to the past and NOT give him that shot.

So, here's where we are today: We have a unique child who is developmentally delayed in almost all areas. BUT we have a lot of hope and I will tell you why. Nicholas gets to go to Challenged Child and Friends! He gets to have speech therapy. He gets to have occupational therapy. He gets to go to preschool. He is making such progress! You wouldn't believe all the things he can do now. Nicholas can DO so many things. He can do a lot of things a typical 4 year old cannot do. He can spell, for one thing. He picked up American Sign Language like it was his first language. He remembers everything. He can start the computer and click on Internet explorer and google "Wall E" or " Tom and Jerry" all by himself. He knows how to spell his favorite things.

Plus, for whatever deficits he has, he makes up for it in other ways. I wouldn't trade any of him for anything. I love him just the way he is.