Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower,

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

(Robert Frost)

We remember Robert Charles Cutchshaw, Jr.

April 7, 1948 - August 26, 1999

And always keep his beloved daughter, Sina Marie in our hearts and prayers.

A week in pictures

What a nice, uneventful week we had. A cool breeze came in and we were able to enjoy being outside more. Fischer taught Nicholas how to play football. Sydney loaded up a trailer full of kids and pulled them around the yard. Jolie landed a leading role in the play, Bat Boy which will go to State Competition. Jolie plays Ruthie, a teenage spelunker who sadly gets murdered in the show. It will be her most dramatic role yet. Mollie and Nicholas got to go to Fun World yesterday. The older three stayed at Love's house and shared dinner and watched I Love Lucy DVD's. And speaking of Love, here she is with her friends who drove up Thursday to visit her. Love is the one in red pants. We had a nice lunch and went to the Gourd Museum which is one of our favorite places.

Mollie's Party

Mollie made out like a bandit from her birthday party! It looked like Christmas at our house. She had fun with her friends playing at the park. She asked me what happened to "three" now that she is four. It got me all choked up to tell her that she won't be three ever again. Adrian's mother, "Love" got to come to the party. Mollie told everyone that "Love" was there and they agreed that love was indeed there. Mollie was talking about her grandmother, but it's true that there is a lot of love in having special friends and family together to celebrate a birthday.

Happy Birthday, Mollie Katherine!

Do you know what you were doing exactly four years ago today? We do! Let's see, I was delivering a baby and Adrian caught her in his own two hands! What a beautiful experience that was! Mollie Katherine has been charming since day one. She is such a delightful child!

We are celebrating with her friends at the park this afternoon. We have been making special cupcakes for her "Princess-Rainbow" party. Mollie is such a doll. She is so cute and sweet. I wish she could stay little forever.

First Day of School

Jolie (in yellow shirt) started 9th grade. It was really surreal watching her get on the bus, heading off to her first day of high school. As I wished her good luck, I started boo hooing. It was more emotional than watching her walk down the hall on her first day of kindergarten. Where did the time go between then and now?

Sydney began 6th grade and she realized just how tall she grew over the summer when she saw all her friends. She really sprouted-up! She is a couple inches taller than Jolie and has surpassed Jolie in the shoe department by three sizes. Sydney is excited to be back in school but only for social reasons. 6th grade used to be in the middle school, but this year, they put 6th grade into the elementary schools. I am so thankful for that because I really love our elementary school and especially our principal.

Fischer began 2nd grade and is very excited that his two best friends from way back in the days of preschool are in his class, Jude and Bess. Fischer has always claimed to hate school. I was surprised when he came home Thursday and Friday saying that he LOVES school. I am not sure if it's because of Jude and Bess or not, but it could be. Fischer is a huge Beatles fan and he has been playing "Hey, Jude" on repeat over and over on the CD player.




Mollie returned to Resurrection Episcopal Preschool this year. Mollie's 4th birthday is Wednesday. She really grew up a lot over the summer. She's such a big girl. Fischer not only gave her speech therapy which actually worked, he is also teaching her how to read. Fischer's former speech teacher would be so pleased. After Fischer graduated from speech last year, he became the teacher's helper and worked with a child with special needs. Peer support is a wonderful tool. Mollie likes her teacher, Mrs. Hart and is glad to have a couple of her friends from last year in her class.

This week has been weird for me with a streak of bad luck. It involved a broken tooth with exposed nerve, moving Adrian's mother to a new apartment, unpacking boxes, a root canal, an accidentally broken sinus membrane, a blood clot in my sinus cavity, a muscle in my foot which tore away from the bone, a clogged milk duct, an allergic reaction to antibiotics, and for the grand finale, my brakes went out after I picked up Mollie from school! Here's a picture of Nicholas at the car repair shop where we waited for 2 hours before Adrian could pick us up. When he started to leave to come get us, HIS car wouldn't start!

My mother was out of town and it's freaky how things like this happen whenever she's not close by. I could have used an extra set of hands this week and it made me miss her. I also missed Daddy a whole bunch as I am not used to having to solve my own health problems such as calling doctors and then waiting to be seen.


The cool thing is that around every corner of my disasters (believe me, what I have shared with you is an edited, G rated version of my week,) there was unexpected kindness from friends and strangers. There was a doctor who didn't charge me for x rays. My sweet (and hot) husband, was an extra good listener this week and helped all that he could. There was bag boy at the grocery store who offered to push my mother-in-law in a wheel chair so I could push Nicholas in the baby stroller. Even the two funny older gentlemen at the car place who entertained Nicholas and Mollie while we waited made me feel loved. My heart is full of gratitude. But I am hopeful next week won't be nearly as eventful.

Missing Daddy

Daddy was an addict. For the last 25 years of his life, he stayed clean and sober through the hope he found at AA meetings. I suppose now he will be clean and sober for eternity. But I do hope they have meetings in heaven. I know he'd like that. I imagine that as he entered heaven, that he smiled and humbly said, "Hi, I'm Mike and I am an alcoholic and I also liked drugs." I bet all the angels sang out "Hi, MIKE!" and trumpets played as he walked through the gates. I bet everyone clapped when he got there. A standing ovation. And it's not because I think my dad is more amazing than most folks, or that he was perfect. In fact, it was his imperfections which made him so darn lovable. He faced challenges. There were many stumbling blocks in his way. But he turned them into stepping stones. That's what made him special.

I can hardly describe how much he is missed. Only three months have passed since we last saw him. I'd love to tell you that it gets easier with time. Ya know, like time heals all wounds. Well, it is not the case. It's kinda interesting how it works, at least for me. Everyone is different, but for me, my sorrow becomes greater and greater every day. It's like a hole inside of me that gets deeper and darker.

But, the amazing and wonderful thing is that as that hole grows, something is filling it and that is love. I feel like I am bursting with love. I love people in a different way than I ever have before. It's like a spiritual awakening. So, Adrian is right when he said that losing a loved one will give you a greater capacity to love. It's true.

Pieces of my dad are still with me and pieces of me are with him. That must mean that I am closer to God, if you believe in stuff like that. If you don't, it's OK, but you might want to ask me about my holy coffee pot.

Daddy's Garden

Mama fixed chicken salad sandwiches,
Which I know wasn't one of your favorite things.
But guess what we put on them?
Home grown tomatoes which you planted before you had wings.
What a marvelous gift to see,
The sweet fruits of your labor right before our eyes.
You planted so many beautiful things on earth,
Before we said goodbye.

You planted hundreds of seeds,
And tended your garden with care.
Planting seeds of love and acceptance,
Growing hope for those in despair.

Our tears will provide the water,
Our memories of you will be like the sun.
We will take care of your garden,
Sharing your hope with everyone.