1. Do not try to lose weight. It is too frustrating and may lead to weight gain. Accept yourself. You can be sexy and fat at the same time. Artists throughout history have sought voluptuous women to paint. And hey, look at Oprah. She's the richest woman in America and she's fat. Santa Claus is fat and he is the coolest guy on the planet. Buddha was fat and he was enlightened and happy. What's the big deal about being fat? Heart disease, Shmark Disease! I'll probably get run over by an organic vegetable truck and die.
2. Do not try to become a better person. If you spend too much time reading self help books, you will wind up being a nut ball who spends too much time talking about feelings. Don't talk about your feelings, just shut up and do something nice for someone else and then you will be a better person.
3. Do not try drinking 8 glasses of water a day. It is a terrible idea. All the trips you'll be making to public restrooms will increase your risk of coming in contact with a disease.
4. Do not try to be more organized. Either you are or you are not. It is the way you were made. If you live in clutter, accpet it. If you are a neat freak, accpet it. One way is not better than the other.
5. Do not give up yelling for New Years. If you have five children, yelling is going to happen by January 2.
6. Do not try to learn a new hobby. If there really is something called spare time, and you happen to find it, take a nap for goodness sakes!
Happy New Year everyone! xoxoxo
1 comment:
Love it! You always crack me up!
Post a Comment