The Power of Prayer

I have been thinking lately about the power of prayer. I went to a women's bible study last night and the lesson was about prayer. Funny how that always works...that when you are pondering spiritual matters, that you draw people around you who are pondering the same or similar things.

The lesson was about how God answers prayers. Miracles can happen when we pray. There are several scriptures to back this up. I listened politely and tried to be open minded.

However, this thinking has always bothered me. For instance, when a football player is interviewed after winning a game and he says, "I'd like to thank Jesus for blessing our team!" Or even when someone says, "I beat cancer and I want to thank God for blessing me. Thank you to all those who were praying for me."

I mean, do they assume that Jesus did not like the other team, so that's why they lost? What makes you so sure your team is in God's favor? Even people who are healed? Does God like them better than the ones who still suffer or even die? Was it because they were not faithful enough or did not have enough people saying prayers for them?

I feel uncomfortable even just praying for God's will to be done. Because, is it not going to be done any way? Isn't it a bit of an ego trip to feel the need to pray for God to do His job? Who are we to ask Him to do what needs to be done?

I really battled with all of this for a long time, especially when my father was diagnosed with cancer nearly 3 years ago. I did not know what to pray for because it was in God's hands any way, in my opinion, and I felt awkward telling Him what to do. But I did it any way. "God, please don't let Daddy die. Please heal his body. Please let him win this battle."

God did not answer my prayers, nor did he answer the prayers of my family and all his friends. Daddy was on several prayer rolls at churches all over this area, and yet, with all that praying, God did not grant our requests. Daddy was a good Christian who devoted his entire life to the service of others. He worked hard for the greater good. Why did God take him away? Wasn't he "deserving" of the blessings to be healed?

I eventually asked God to help me accept what was happening instead of asking favors. But it wasn't until the end. I realized Daddy's illness was just part of his spiritual plan. Who were we to mess with that? God has the big picture, and we only see so much with our earthly, small eyes. Once I learned to ask God to help me accept "come what may," true blessings unfolded in my life.

As I drew closer and closer to God, learning to trust that everything is in His hands, I learned to surrender to Him and let go of my ego, my wants and desires, no matter how righteous they seemed to be. It gave me the biggest blessings of all, and that was peace, serenity, acceptance, understanding and abundant comfort.

Losing Daddy was the hardest event by far I have ever been through, yet through the power of prayer, my eyes are more open to see God's hand in everything. It has been a spiritual awakening and I did not even realize I had been so asleep.

Is there sadness? Yes. Most definitely. I still cry and hurt and miss Daddy. I wish more than anything right now that he was still here. I feel so sad for my whole family for losing him. And a piece of me is mad at God for allowing such a wonderful man to suffer.

If you believe in Jesus, then you can find comfort in knowing that Jesus suffered all the cancer in the world and that he cried tears of all of our sorrows from the blood he shed at the garden of Gethsemane from every pour in His body. And that even in death, we can live again through resurrection. The atonement of Christ brings peace to everyone who knows we can surrender and lay down the crosses we try to bear. We don't have to carry any crosses because they were already carried for us.

And even if you are not sure what you believe in, it is OK. Just simply knowing you ain't God is enough. That there is a great and wonderful creation here and we did not simply appear out of nothing. The same hands that made the mountains made you. Every leaf and every flower is part of something we are all connected to. There is a mighty powerful force of Goodness on this earth.

The power of prayer can be so beautiful when we look at prayer as an opening for a relationship with our higher power. To have God, however you know God to be, as your companion, it makes it so that you endure pain and suffering along with celebrating joys and everything in life by being more spiritually aware. Seeing God's hands in everything brings peace. Having God as a spiritual guide in our daily life will open our eyes to things we never even saw before. We will have greater knowledge which will lead us to making the better choices on our journey to have a more abundant life.

I guess it is more meditation than the kind of praying I learned in Sunday School which brings us closer to God. People of many different faiths practice meditation, being still and quiet, listening for the still, small voice, or feeling present, or feeling at one with the universe. I liked my minister from childhood, who would lead the congregation into prayer by saying, "Let's bow our
heads, as we each in our own way, have a conversation with God." I love that. God is always with us and inside of us, but to take a few quiet moments and connect on our part will bring us the closeness we yearn to feel.

So, for me, I won't be praying for special favors. I know God is mindful and aware of all. He is aware of every grain of sand in the ocean and every hair on my head. But I can seek to draw nearer to God on my part, so that I can have greater understanding, acceptance, hope, peace and love. And that is a blessing and a miracle.

After 3 Years....

Jolie says, "All the tears, all the pain, all the money.....it was worth it all!" Jolie got her braces off this morning. Her orthodontist gave her a goodie bag FULL of all the hard, sticky candy she has been restricted from during the past few years. When I saw her for the first time, I got pretty choked up. She is so beautiful. The receptionist at the office said, "I can't believe she's so grown up! I'm gonna really miss her!" You have to understand that Jolie has been going to this orthodontist office (Field & Wilson) since she was about 6 years old! I said, "Don't cry...Sydney's still in braces and we've got three more to come after that!" My mom made her promise not to retire until Nicholas gets his. Let's just hope that the younger three don't have to wear braces. Not that we don't love Dr. Wilson, (plus he's really pretty hot. My sisters and my mother call him Dr. Hottie and it embarrasses the girls no end!) but I'll never have a new car at the rate we pay for orthodonture! Jolie can't wait to give her Daddy a BIG HUG when he comes home to say THANK YOU for investing in this million dollar smile! We miss you, Adrian. Give your sisters and all your family a hug from us. We really wish we could be there too. xoxoxo

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower,

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

(Robert Frost)

We remember Robert Charles Cutchshaw, Jr.

April 7, 1948 - August 26, 1999

And always keep his beloved daughter, Sina Marie in our hearts and prayers.

A week in pictures

What a nice, uneventful week we had. A cool breeze came in and we were able to enjoy being outside more. Fischer taught Nicholas how to play football. Sydney loaded up a trailer full of kids and pulled them around the yard. Jolie landed a leading role in the play, Bat Boy which will go to State Competition. Jolie plays Ruthie, a teenage spelunker who sadly gets murdered in the show. It will be her most dramatic role yet. Mollie and Nicholas got to go to Fun World yesterday. The older three stayed at Love's house and shared dinner and watched I Love Lucy DVD's. And speaking of Love, here she is with her friends who drove up Thursday to visit her. Love is the one in red pants. We had a nice lunch and went to the Gourd Museum which is one of our favorite places.

Mollie's Party

Mollie made out like a bandit from her birthday party! It looked like Christmas at our house. She had fun with her friends playing at the park. She asked me what happened to "three" now that she is four. It got me all choked up to tell her that she won't be three ever again. Adrian's mother, "Love" got to come to the party. Mollie told everyone that "Love" was there and they agreed that love was indeed there. Mollie was talking about her grandmother, but it's true that there is a lot of love in having special friends and family together to celebrate a birthday.

Happy Birthday, Mollie Katherine!

Do you know what you were doing exactly four years ago today? We do! Let's see, I was delivering a baby and Adrian caught her in his own two hands! What a beautiful experience that was! Mollie Katherine has been charming since day one. She is such a delightful child!

We are celebrating with her friends at the park this afternoon. We have been making special cupcakes for her "Princess-Rainbow" party. Mollie is such a doll. She is so cute and sweet. I wish she could stay little forever.

First Day of School

Jolie (in yellow shirt) started 9th grade. It was really surreal watching her get on the bus, heading off to her first day of high school. As I wished her good luck, I started boo hooing. It was more emotional than watching her walk down the hall on her first day of kindergarten. Where did the time go between then and now?

Sydney began 6th grade and she realized just how tall she grew over the summer when she saw all her friends. She really sprouted-up! She is a couple inches taller than Jolie and has surpassed Jolie in the shoe department by three sizes. Sydney is excited to be back in school but only for social reasons. 6th grade used to be in the middle school, but this year, they put 6th grade into the elementary schools. I am so thankful for that because I really love our elementary school and especially our principal.

Fischer began 2nd grade and is very excited that his two best friends from way back in the days of preschool are in his class, Jude and Bess. Fischer has always claimed to hate school. I was surprised when he came home Thursday and Friday saying that he LOVES school. I am not sure if it's because of Jude and Bess or not, but it could be. Fischer is a huge Beatles fan and he has been playing "Hey, Jude" on repeat over and over on the CD player.




Mollie returned to Resurrection Episcopal Preschool this year. Mollie's 4th birthday is Wednesday. She really grew up a lot over the summer. She's such a big girl. Fischer not only gave her speech therapy which actually worked, he is also teaching her how to read. Fischer's former speech teacher would be so pleased. After Fischer graduated from speech last year, he became the teacher's helper and worked with a child with special needs. Peer support is a wonderful tool. Mollie likes her teacher, Mrs. Hart and is glad to have a couple of her friends from last year in her class.

This week has been weird for me with a streak of bad luck. It involved a broken tooth with exposed nerve, moving Adrian's mother to a new apartment, unpacking boxes, a root canal, an accidentally broken sinus membrane, a blood clot in my sinus cavity, a muscle in my foot which tore away from the bone, a clogged milk duct, an allergic reaction to antibiotics, and for the grand finale, my brakes went out after I picked up Mollie from school! Here's a picture of Nicholas at the car repair shop where we waited for 2 hours before Adrian could pick us up. When he started to leave to come get us, HIS car wouldn't start!

My mother was out of town and it's freaky how things like this happen whenever she's not close by. I could have used an extra set of hands this week and it made me miss her. I also missed Daddy a whole bunch as I am not used to having to solve my own health problems such as calling doctors and then waiting to be seen.


The cool thing is that around every corner of my disasters (believe me, what I have shared with you is an edited, G rated version of my week,) there was unexpected kindness from friends and strangers. There was a doctor who didn't charge me for x rays. My sweet (and hot) husband, was an extra good listener this week and helped all that he could. There was bag boy at the grocery store who offered to push my mother-in-law in a wheel chair so I could push Nicholas in the baby stroller. Even the two funny older gentlemen at the car place who entertained Nicholas and Mollie while we waited made me feel loved. My heart is full of gratitude. But I am hopeful next week won't be nearly as eventful.