Autism Part 3

I am feeling better about everything concerning Nicholas now. Last week I felt a lot of pressure to figure out a plan. It was overwhelming. This week, I feel like I can breathe a little bit. I can take it one thing at a time. I really did feel an urgent need to make a million appointments for all these therapies he needs. Now I realize that was asking too much of myself. It will be more of a process, I can now see.

Nicholas really is the same little boy he was a few weeks ago without this diagnoses. I love him the same. Perhaps now I feel sorry for him, which I didn't before. That may not be a good thing. He doesn't need me to feel sorry for him. I find myself projecting the future too much and at times am consumed with worry that he will be isolated and never get married or even go to school and make friends. I know it's not helpful to think these things.

Most importantly, we are a family. My concerns for Nicholas are mixed in with concerns I have for Jolie, Sydney, Fischer and Mollie. All of us have challenges. Each one of our children has SOMETHING that ain't quite right....right? I truly believe that no matter what special help one gets for their special needs, that if they are missing love at home, then nothing else matters any way. Now, I may not be an expert on autism or puberty or learning disabilites or food allergies or whatever....but as Forest Gump said, "I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is, Jenny."

Well....I know what love is too. And for now, that's enough for me.

Autism part 2

We finally got our appointment with the developmental pediatrician. It was today. Nicholas was evaluated by a wonderful doctor named Dr. Rubin. Of course I was prepared to hear the news, but the diagnoses fell upon me like a bomb. It still hasn't even begun to sink in fully. Nicholas is autistic.

Did you know that 1 in 94 boys will be diagnosed with autism this year? That's a lot! Autism is a spectrum and autism ranges from totally non verbal (Classic Autism) to highly functioning (Asbergers Syndrome.) Nicholas falls right in the middle of the spectrum with PDD-NOS Autism. It means he is limited verbally and socially but with proper intervention, he can be functioning. The doctor told us to investigate early intervention ASAP and get the ball rolling now. He suggested things like therapeutic horseback riding, swimming lessons, more intensive speech therapy, and ABA therapy which is behavior therapy. Nicholas is already exhibiting some very quirky behaviors such as ultra focusing and OCD stuff. He repeats a lot of actions, twirls, flaps, spins the wheel of a match box car for hours and stares at it. This ABA therapy will help him come out of that isolated world he can go into and bring him back into the real world.

With proper interventions, Nicholas will learn to be sympathetic and learn to engage with others. He will never outgrow autism, but he can become highly functioning if he gets proper help beginning at this young, impressionable age.

My biggest fear is that he will lock himself in his own world and not let me in. I will do whatever I can to make sure that doesn't happen. He is lucky to have four big siblings who understand him and adore him and two parents who would do anything to help him and who love him so much. Not only that, he is surrounded by a huge loving extended family. He really is a lucky little guy.

Now we are empowered with this knowledge. I keep telling myself he's the same boy he was yesterday. Now we just simply know more about it. Now we can do something about it.

The doctor also ordered some tests to check for chromosomal defects such as fragile X and some others I am not familiar with. We go back to see Dr. Rubin in four months. We will know even more then. My goals for this week are to find a horse back riding program for children with special needs and the doctor also suggested Nicholas go to a summer day camp for autistic children and for Adrian and I to go to a support group. I will be calling the White County Special Ed to see what resources they can offer. I just know they will love hearing from me! (If you don't know why...ask me about the battle we have been fighting for Sydney who has learning disabilities...)

If you want to see something interesting, scroll down after you read this and look at the picture of Nicholas on the airplane at the park and then look at the picture on the right hand side of him smiling at the camera wearing a green shirt. It's strange, but he was two years old on the right and on the left is a picture taken a whole year later when he is three. He is not the same little boy. And he hasn't grown at all.

Oh, what a heavy feeling I have in my heart. It's just not easy raising five children. Throw in a few serious challenges and it makes it almost too tough to handle. But we will handle it..one day at a time.

A Clock, a Coffee Pot, and a Field of Lilies

Can't believe it, but my book is finally finished. After a year of writing and rewriting, giving up and pressing forward, wanting to burn it, and wanting to embrace it, it is ready to go out into the world. The books will be here at the end of April.

Here's what the back of the book says:

A Clock, a Coffee Pot and a Field of Lilies will take you on a journey, painted by the tears of a grieving daughter of an alcoholic and drug addict. Abigail begins her story the week before her father passed away after a courageous battle with cancer.
“There he was, a soft, glowing Buddha Man… I wanted to know his secrets to Zen. I told him he was enlightened and he should write a book.” It was then Abigail told her father that everything she needs to know in life, she learned from him. Her father simply replied, “Everything I needed to know in life, I learned in A.A.”

Dr. J. Michael Hosford was a beloved pediatrician in a close- knit town in North Georgia and was affectionately known as “Dr. Mike.” He spent the last 24 years of his life learning a better way to live, by practicing the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. This book tells the story of how he found hope and devoted his life to passing it on and working for the greater good. It is a spiritual journey that will have you crying one minute and laughing the next.

****If anyone wants a copy, send me your address to: asklulabelle@windstream.net and I will be glad to send you an order form. The books will be available to the public the first week in June, but I will be pre-selling it to friends and family and anyone who wants one at the end of April. Proceeds will go to the J. Michael Hosford Foundation. I will tell you more about that later!****

Love to everyone! xoxox

P.S. Save the date June 9, 2009. At 7:30 pm in the First Presbyterian Church Fellowship Hall in Gainesville, we are going to launch the J. Michael Hosford Foundation with a dessert reception and book reading/ signing. It will be our joy to have you there!

Nicholas Turns 3

It is hard to believe our baby is three years old now! Nicholas had a wonderful birthday celebration with the two little boys who go to my Itty Bitty Preschool, Jackson and Tucker, along with Mollie, Jolie, Sydney, and Fischer. These guys are Nicholas' best friends. Nicholas blew out candles in an ice cream sundae. He got lots of neat gifts and especially loves his brand new tricycle! He is so lucky to have four older siblings who take care of him so lovingly. Nicholas also got a new back pack and a new jacket with his favorite movie character, Wall-E. Nicholas started going to big boy school at the prekindergarten Special Ed for speech therapy once a week. He thought school was terrific. He made rice krispie treats and played with toys. He has no idea he is working hard, just thought he was playing. Perfect. Nicholas is a joy and a blessing to our family. We feel each day with him is a wonderful gift. Happy Birthday Nicholas! We love you! xoxoxo

Fischer turns 8

Fischer turned 8 years old on January 24! The day started out rainy but the sunshine came out at just the right time before his party. Several of Fischer's friends from school came over to our house to celebrate. Su-Su brought an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. It is Fischer's favorite. Jolie and Sydney decorated the downstairs playroom with streamers and balloons. Fischer and his friends spent almost the entire 2 hours playing with Fischer's Playmobil Pirate Ship, Lego's, Dinosaurs and Bakugans. It was so quiet. I have to attribute this wonderful behavior of a houseful of 7 and 8 year old boys and one girl, to their second grade teacher, Mrs. Fredrick. She is awesome and has encouraged her students to learn through playing. She is so creative. The kids in her class have learned measuring, sorting and cooperation by doing fun play activities on the floor together. I guess the children all thought they were in school playing because they all acted so respectful and had the best manners. It was not your typical hyper birthday party!

You will also see a picture of Fischer with his great grandmother, Mema who celebrated her 91st birthday earlier this month! Fischer's other grandmother, Love, came too.

If you have your volume turned up, you can hear Fischer's favorite song by the Beatles. One of his best friends is named Jude. He's the other boy wearing a Georgia Tech shirt! One of the boys walked into Fischer's Georgia Tech decorated room and said, "YUCK! I hate your room, Fischer! My room is a Georgia Bulldog room!" But then, when Fischer opened this boy's gift, he was tickled he got a Georgia Tech football calendar! It was really sweet.

After cake and presents, we went outside and launched off a rocket. It went so high! The highest one we've ever launched. It took a few minutes for it to land in a tree in our back yard.

I am so proud of Fischer. He is such a sweet child who has an incredible curiosity. He has taught me so many interesting facts about nature and the world. Fischer is a wonderful big brother. He is nurturing and caring. His big sisters are still as crazy about him as the day we brought him home from the hospital and it bonded our family in a new and special way. Fischer is the middle child and he is the glue.

We love you Fischer and hope this is the best year ever! We look forward to each new day having you for our son! Happy Birthday! xoxoxo

My New Year's Revelations

1. Do not try to lose weight. It is too frustrating and may lead to weight gain. Accept yourself. You can be sexy and fat at the same time. Artists throughout history have sought voluptuous women to paint. And hey, look at Oprah. She's the richest woman in America and she's fat. Santa Claus is fat and he is the coolest guy on the planet. Buddha was fat and he was enlightened and happy. What's the big deal about being fat? Heart disease, Shmark Disease! I'll probably get run over by an organic vegetable truck and die.

2. Do not try to become a better person. If you spend too much time reading self help books, you will wind up being a nut ball who spends too much time talking about feelings. Don't talk about your feelings, just shut up and do something nice for someone else and then you will be a better person.

3. Do not try drinking 8 glasses of water a day. It is a terrible idea. All the trips you'll be making to public restrooms will increase your risk of coming in contact with a disease.

4. Do not try to be more organized. Either you are or you are not. It is the way you were made. If you live in clutter, accpet it. If you are a neat freak, accpet it. One way is not better than the other.

5. Do not give up yelling for New Years. If you have five children, yelling is going to happen by January 2.

6. Do not try to learn a new hobby. If there really is something called spare time, and you happen to find it, take a nap for goodness sakes!

Happy New Year everyone! xoxoxo

Christmas Card 2008

In case you are wondering if I have forgotten your address, I am not sending Christmas cards this year. I usually send a funny poem about my crazy life but this year I lost my funny bone.

Believe me, I tried to write this year's poem, but how could I make fun of the events of my life this year? Um, let's see...what rhymes with "broken heart?" "Losing a loved one?"

And typically I brag a lot about each of our wonderful, beautiful and amazing children (see what I mean) and this year, I could not bring myself to do that. Not that they didn't do a lot of neat and special things like: Jolie was the only freshman in the One Act Play competition for White County and she did awesome playing Ruthie in "Bat Boy the Musical." She has made a lot of new friends through drama and had so much fun. She also had a role in Deck the Stage and did such a beautiful job singing a solo. Jolie is taking guitar lessons and is quite the rising music star. And I can't forget to mention Jolie got her braces off a few months ago! She has a million dollar smile.

Jolie and Sydney were recently in a play at church and they sang the most beautiful duet of "Welcome to our world" which is a contemporary Christmas song. It made me cry.

Sydney has grown like a weed and is as tall as me...which is 5 feet. She is taller than Jolie which she teases her about. Sydney's foot grew too and she is now in a size 9. Where she gets those giant feet...I don't know! Sydney joined the 6th grade band and started playing the clarinet. She has enjoyed it and loved playing in the school Christmas program. Sydney loves playing basketball and running. She remains the family comedian and makes everyone laugh. Sydney is very nurturing and helps me with my little preschool in the afternoons when she comes home form school. The children love her and get so excited when they see their "Nee- Nee." Sydney has braces and the herbst appliance. Anyone who knows what that is can send their sympathy.

Fischer is in second grade. He likes school and his creative teacher, Mrs. Fredrick. Fischer has been working on a comic book and his artistic abilities are becoming so evident. He is so good at drawing. He is still a fabulous reader and still has his nose in medical journals, novels, and science magazines. He has a photographic memory. But at the same time, he is a little on the spacey side and often runs into walls and trips on air. Fischer has become very interested in football. Not playing it, though he loves to play ball with Adrian occasionally, but Fischer carries around his "play book" and works on strategies during his free time. The best news about Fischer this year is that over the summer he went to the allergist and he OUTGREW his wheat and egg allergies! Wow! Eating bread is a whole new world for Fischer! He can eat cake, cookies, whatever! He's still very allergic to peanuts and we are armed with an epi-pen for that.

Mollie is now 4 and is finishing up her last year of preschool. Next year will be big school. Mollie will start ballet this January and she is thrilled. She is a wonderful dancer. She is very girly and thinks she can only wear dresses. Every day. And if I make her wear pants to school, I have to promise she can change into a dress the moment she comes home. Mollie likes to draw like her big brother. She is very creative and into small details. Mollie is a sweetheart. She is so loving and generous.

Nicholas is 2 and a half. He had a remarkable year going through milestone after milestone, changing from a baby to a little boy. He totally has OCD and is obsessed with Lego's. That boy sure can build! He loves blocks too. He lines everything up just so. He is tender hearted and so adorable. Nicholas is a huggy kissy kind of kid. He hugs everyone. He talks to strangers and loves meeting new people. Nicholas loves my new little preschool and enjoys doing art projects with the other little boys. Nicholas also loves to dance.

But, I don't want to brag this year. I've been too sad. This year was so difficult. So many changes. But at least the children have kept us going. And actually, when I look back, I do find so many things to celebrate. Each day has been a gift, even when it's been hard. I know my father would want us to see the joy and not miss any opportunities.

All my grief was so powerful that I had to do something with it or I would explode, so I began writing more seriously. In fact, I became an advice columnist for our newspaper and am published weekly. My column is called, "Ask Lula Belle." My advice usually ends up being something I learned from my dad. Sharing his wisdom and hope with others makes me feel like I am passing on his light. I also wrote a book which looks like it will be out this spring. It's called, A Clock, A Coffee Pot and A Field of Lilies (the story of a recovering addict.)

Adrian's sister, Susan lost her daughter this year too. It has been a year of mourning for both our families. Adrian's mother, Love, moved up here to be closer to us this summer. Adrian has felt very honored caring for her and running errands for her. She always thinks she's trouble, but Adrian says it is a very sweet experience to be able to do things for his mama. The children have enjoyed getting to know her better and I have too.

Adrian's big news is he finally got hearing aids. Adrian has been a lip reader for YEARS. He has been hearing impaired since he was about 12 years old. He has fancy new hearing aids. He called me from the grocery store after he first got them and said, "Abi! Guess what? I can hear the wheels on the buggy I'm pushing! They make noise!" It's opened a whole new world for him.

With all of life's troubles, there sure have been reasons to rejoice. I celebrate my family, my children, my sisters, my mama, my in laws, my extended relatives and most especially, my best friend and sweetheart, Adrian. After losing my dad, I hold these folks closer than ever and love them and cherish them even more.

This Christmas will be fun with the kids but I imagine it will be very sad too. So, I'll have a Christmas. I don't know if I could call it Merry. I am indeed ever more grateful for the true gift of this season...a baby born 2000 years ago, wrapped in swaddling clothing, lying in a manger. A gift for you, for me, for everyone...a gift of eternal life. A gift that means I will see Daddy again. And that any pain I have felt or any amount of suffering I must go through, it has already been taken on by our savior. I am never alone.

So, have a Christmas if it's all that you can do. And if it can be even a little bit Merry...then rejoice! For this is the day the Lord hath made! It is a gift! Lots of Love, Always and Warmest Wishes, abigail xoxoxox