Zen and the art of Motherhood

Do you know where and how I find peace? Where in my life I feel most enlightened? Where I am content and happy? It is in my motherhood. Raising five children and working with young children all day may sound unglamourous and messy but to me, it is Zen. I find that children have the purest hearts. Just being around them all day renews me. It is refreshing to play with children or to take part in a hilarious attack of giggles with two teenage daughters. I can sit on the floor for hours doing puzzles and building things and I have such a great excuse to do that and feel productive because it is all under the notion that I am teaching a small child. I love how they include me in their world of imagination. I also have so much love poured into me and showered all over me simply because I am taking care of them. Wiping noses, changing diapers, putting on band-aids, cooking meals and cutting up food, reading books and tucking them in blankets, combing hair, brushing their little teeth, helping with homework. I know, it sounds tedious but it's not. It fills my spirit with such tenderness and love I can hardly describe it. I can meditate best while I am doing laundry. I don't know why people sometimes feel they must travel to far away places under the influence of some guru when it's more wonderful to find your zen right where you are doing your every day things. Being a mother is the best. And having a husband who recognizes how beautiful motherhood is and respects it above all else is divine. I really am the luckiest girl on the planet.

A Clock, a Coffee Pot and a Field of Lilies

It has always been a life long dream to write. I published my first book 6 months ago. The book is remarkable only because it is a story about a remarkable man, my father. I wrote it as a way to deal with my grief upon his death which left me absolutely lost, speechless and broken hearted. The death of a loved on completely shatters a person. Writing about him and his unique life gave me the opportunity to hold on to him and get to know him even better.

It took me about a year to write the book and with every word, there were tears. I cried like a baby through the whole process. I have five children and my days are quite busy, so I could only find the peace and quiet I needed to focus at night after they went to bed. This time was my special time to be with my father as I thought about him, read things he wrote, and looked at old family photographs. I felt his spirit was guiding me and I often asked him what he would like for me to say. Sometimes I would write several pages and then get writer's block. And then, I would go to bed defeated only to wake up the next day refreshed and renewed knowing in my heart I was writing in the wrong direction and would have little epiphanies of what the message of my story should really be.

So, little by little the story emerged. And the message of it is beautiful. And that is not because of anything I created, it is simply because I was his voice for a little while. I became a humble channel for him.

The book is inspirational as it takes the reader along a journey about loss and hope. It tells the story of my father's addiction and how he learned a better way to live through the hope he found at Alcoholics Anonymous. The hope he found, he shared and helped so many others. Now, with this book, his story continues to touch others.

When the book first came out, I ordered 750 books. I thought it would take a mighty long time to sell them all. The proceeds from the books go to my father's foundation, the J. Michael Hosford Foundation, which enables us to not only share his story through words, but continue the path of actions of helping others through financial support. I cannot tell you what a good feeling this gives me.

The books were all sold out within a few weeks. There was such a local interest for the story of Dr. Mike. So, we ordered more books and now they are sold out. In just 6 months, we've sold over 1,000 books with no advertising, no mass marketing, no book orders on any internet site; just word of mouth.

Now I am ready for the story to reach out beyond our little neck of the woods. A Clock, a Coffee Pot and a Field of Lilies along with the new book I've been writing (which is called, Biscuits) are going to begin courting potential publishers. Please think good thoughts for the right person to discover these stories.

Don't Eat the Yellow Snow

What does it mean when your 8 year old son has a friend over and your 5 year old daughter comes out of her room wearing a bathing suit and some fancy dress up high heels? She opened her door very dramatically and struck a honest- to- God pose like some sort of pin-up girl. She batted her eyelashes and said, "Hello, Andrew."

I was stunned but had to run upstairs to laugh in my pillow so Mollie wouldn't hear me. Fischer and Andrew were totally oblivious to Mollie's attempts to win Andrew's attention. I guess they thought she was just getting ready to swim somewhere.

Later, I whispered to Mollie that she should change clothes since it was too cold to be wearing a swim suit and also that it wasn't appropriate. And she said, "But I look good, don't I?" And then she did some pretty fantastic dance moves. Where does she learn this stuff? I don't know.

We finally got some snow that we've been wishing for. We got a whopping 3/4 inch and everything closed down. One poor loaf of Wonderbread lay smushed on the floor as panicked patrons made mad dashes to the grocery store to stock up on milk, bread and batteries. I was reminded of my first winter in Taos, New Mexico the first time it snowed one evening. I was so happy to stay in bed the next morning assuming the whole town was snowed in and shut down. I woke to the sound of the telephone ringing. It was my boss asking where in the world I was. I was like, "It snowed!" And she was like, "I know! You're not in Georgia any more, so get yourself to work!" I learned pretty damn quickly how to get snow off my car, how to buy snow tires, and how to shovel a driveway. I realized how lucky we are in the south that whole towns close at the sight of a few flurries so that we can hibernate and enjoy the beauty.

Christmas 2009

Pictures from Thanksgiving 2009

The Cutchshaws 2009

Just a couple of weeks before Christmas and all through my brain,
Are images of the past year that made me nearly go insane.

A bad car wreck, whip lash and a bump on my head,
Made my brain swell, my sense of smell go crazy and I had to stay in bed.

Jolie had a concussion, and Adrian’s neck got a slip disc,
The car was totaled as it landed sideways into a ditch.

Luckily, we are all alive and are finally now on the mend,
I sure hope lightning won’t strike twice as I couldn’t handle that again.

At the beginning of the year, Nicholas was diagnosed,
With PDD-NOS/ autism and our hearts sure felt broke.

With speech and occupational therapy and attending a special school,
He has made progress in leaps and bounds and we think that’s really cool.

Mollie started kindergarten and loves it so much,
She is a big girl reading and writing and she even rides the bus.

Mollie would like a fruit salad from Santa; her Christmas list is rather funny,
She’s been visited by the tooth fairy twice and had fun spending her own money.

Fischer is in third grade and all through school he’s just wishing,
That instead of doing math facts, he could be with his daddy fishing.

He played defense for the football team and was awarded best tackle of the season,
From the sidelines, you sure could hear all the Cutchshaws cheerin’ and screamin’!

For the first time, Sydney likes school and it’s working out wonderfully,
Thanks to the teachers at the middle school, especially to Mrs. Perry.

Sydney has caught the performing bug and is staring in some plays,
She is the sweetest girl with the biggest heart and is loving in every way.

Jolie’s a sophomore and is learning how to drive, imagine how old I feel,
But she has to sit in Mollie’s booster seat to see over the steering wheel.

Jolie is in her seventh season with the Main Stage Players Theatre,
She’s blazing the trail; to her brothers and sisters she’s a great leader.

Adrian’s about retired, business has been that slow,
But he’s become more of a stay at home mom, practically running the show.

I can’t believe he’s stayed with me for ten years, must have a thing for girls who are crazed,
And I have a thing for my old man who for his 50th birthday got some hearing aids.

A Clock, a Coffee Pot, and a Field of Lilies is on its second printing,
I hope Daddy’s in heaven looking down at us, very proudly grinning.

I am still writing my advice column and just got syndicated,
As you might imagine, “Lula Belle” is quite elated.

Our friends and family helped us this year on the days that were rather tough,
For all your love and support, words just aren’t enough.

The year was full of highs and lows, some days my head is not on straight,
So you should be amazed that you got this card and it wasn’t even late!

Merry Christmas! Love, Abigail, Adrian, Jolie, Sydney, Fischer, Mollie, and Nicholas

Autism part 6

When we first found out that Nicholas had autism, we were overwhelmed with all the "stuff" we needed to do. Plus, we felt really horrible trying to decide if it was some how our fault that he had a problem. We became very angry about the vaccine he had right after his first birthday. Nicholas had a terrible reaction to the MMR. His fever got up to 105 and it stayed that way even with Tylenol and Motrin, rotating every two hours for an entire week. I have feelings that the fever caused some brain damage. Or maybe it was all the toxins in that stupid vaccine. Or maybe it's just the way life happened. All I know, is that our precious baby was never the same afterwards. He wasn't happy any more. The cooing and smiling stopped. The little sounds he was learning to make stopped. He also stopped growing normally. Nicholas is almost 4 years old now but can still wear 18 month sizes, although many of his clothes are size 2T. He weighs 23 pounds. Nicholas is tiny. If you could see him naked, he looks like a starving child.

And then, I think about how quirky Sydney (his big sister) is and how she has matured into a totally wonderful 13 year old. Despite her learning disabilities, she is incredibly smart. So, maybe Nicholas' issues are genetic. Nicholas' developmental pediatrician said it is very common for a boy with autism to have a sister with learning differences. Plus, talk about sensory integration dysfunction! I could write a book about my experiences raising Sydney who was diagnosed with S.I.D. when she was 4. Plus she had a significant speech delay too. And whoa! Look at her now! It's hard to get that child to be quiet! So, maybe it's all related some how. But I still get mad when I think about my happy baby getting his vaccine when he was one. I will never know for sure why it happened because there is no way to go back to the past and NOT give him that shot.

So, here's where we are today: We have a unique child who is developmentally delayed in almost all areas. BUT we have a lot of hope and I will tell you why. Nicholas gets to go to Challenged Child and Friends! He gets to have speech therapy. He gets to have occupational therapy. He gets to go to preschool. He is making such progress! You wouldn't believe all the things he can do now. Nicholas can DO so many things. He can do a lot of things a typical 4 year old cannot do. He can spell, for one thing. He picked up American Sign Language like it was his first language. He remembers everything. He can start the computer and click on Internet explorer and google "Wall E" or " Tom and Jerry" all by himself. He knows how to spell his favorite things.

Plus, for whatever deficits he has, he makes up for it in other ways. I wouldn't trade any of him for anything. I love him just the way he is.