Ever have that not so fresh feeling?

OK, friends. I feel the need to smile today and I thought I would share a smile with you too.

So, the other day I am snuggled up on the sofa with Sydney (age 14) and Fischer (age 9). We have just been swimming and are just sitting there enjoying a game show.

Well, a commercial came on for Vagisil Feminine Wash.

During the first few frames of the commercial, a poor woman is jilted by her friends and ignored in social gatherings. Apparently this is due to her not so fresh feeling and we assume she must smell pretty rank for her friends to give her such a cold shoulder.

Sydney and I sorta giggle at each other as we look for the remote control. Fischer is 9 so he thinks everything is funny if it concerns any type of hygiene issue. But this seems to be over his head so far.

But then, of course the woman discovers Vagisil Feminine Wash and her friends are suddenly nice to her. They laugh and go out to parties and stuff.

I said, "Watch Sydney, the next thing you'll know is they will be going on bike rides and running through meadows."

Sydney started laughing hysterically. Then, Fischer started laughing hysterically.

Sydney looked at Fischer and asked, "Um, do you even know what this is all about?"

And he said, "Yeah, those women must be getting high off that stuff."

I love my life.

Where Do Babies Come From According to Mollie

This morning, Mollie worked on an art project just like she does every day. When she was finished, she presented me with a handmade card. She brought it into the kitchen and asked me if I would like her to read it to me.

"I would love for you to read it to me!"

"OK, here it goes: Dear Mommy, I bet you would like to lay an egg and give our family another baby. The end. Love, Mollie, your daughter who really, really, really, wants a baby. Thank you."

Well, after this enlightening moment, I decided to have a little sex education talk with Mollie who is five, nearly six years old. Nothing too detailed, mind you, but I wanted to make sure she didn't think I just went out back and laid eggs to give her brothers and sisters!

I know from previous experience (I have five children, so I've had The Talk several times to all varying degrees) that I should always ASK questions first to find out what they already know, what they don't know, and to figure out if simply saying "God makes babies" will satisfy their curiosity or if they are ready to hear more.

So, during lunch, I casually asked Mollie if she knew where babies come from. And boy, let me tell you, I got quite an ear full. Mollie of course had her own theory all along and I didn't really need to say much which was good because she left me speechless as usual.

"Mollie, do you think babies come out of eggs?"

"No, don't be silly. My card was kinda a joke because I wanted to draw a chicken. I know that babies come out of your tummy. And they get in there from the Third Private."

"Mollie, what exactly is the Third Private?"

"Well, you know. It is the third place no one is allowed to touch except God and when you are asleep, God just walks into your bedroom and he brings one of the babies He made in heaven and he just shoves it right up through the Third Private and leaves it in your tummy. The baby is really small at first and it can't see but once it is in its Mommy's tummy it gets bigger and bigger until one day it can see and it says, 'Get me outta here!' and it crawls right out of the Third Private into the world."

"Oh! Wow. So, God is kinda like the tooth fairy in this scenario? How does He do it?"

"Yeah, but except He brings babies and not money. And he does it with his powers. He can even do it when you are wearing pajamas and panties 'cause He is THAT powerful."

"Mollie, having babies is very special and you are right that God plays a big part in making babies but I don't think I am going to have any more babies."

"Well, that's OK because sometimes God will give you the Power to be a mother when he puts the baby in the Third Private and sometimes he gives you the Power when you adopt a baby if their mother is in jail so let's adopt a baby instead."

"Mollie, I know you love babies and I do too and this conversation is wonderful but I just need you to know that I can't have any more babies."

"How come? You just don't have the energy?"

"Yes, something like that."

"Well, don't worry about it. I am going to take care of the baby for you. I am going to be the best big sister ever. Come on, Mommy, you have to do it. I can't because I am too young and if you are too young, and God puts a baby in your Third Private, it can't come back out and you have to go to the hospital and the doctor cuts your tummy open and that is called a C-section."

After that, what could I say? I decided to end the conversation there. Fischer was laughing hysterically by this point any way.