By trade, I have the opportunity to tell people what to do. In my line of work, I get to be a smarty-pants, a know-it-all. I dish out advice for a living and at times, I am very humbled, usually by one of my own children.
The older four unfortunately have access to the newspaper in their schools and their teachers even volunteer them to be readers of my weekly advice column to the class.
It has been reported that at times, they have read my advice to an impressed audience of their peers....and then blurted out laughing. Despite this fact, my awkward and quirky children have risen in the ranks of popularity simply because their mom is locally famous. I have gotten a lot of attention and interviews because of a book I recently published. What thanks do I get for this? None. None of this has gone to their precious messy-haired heads.
When my children are upset with me, which is like at least once a day-because inevitably, I will miss the mark on proper parenting despite what readers of "Ask Lula Belle" would be lead to believe.
I mean, as far as mothering goes, my instincts are strong. But life happens, PMS happens, teenage hormones happen, and my smart, capable, architect husband can easily morph into the village idiot who suffers from acute blindness when it comes to finding socks, shoes, or lunch boxes. I am sorry, but yelling is going to happen.
For three years running, I have tried giving up yelling as my New Year's Resolution. I've even tried giving it up for Lent. I am not sure if that is sacrilegious or not, but I was trying to be good. Yelling at my children and the meta morphing village idiot makes me feel momentarily so good. It is my little fix. I was willing to give it up for religious purposes. But lo, by the third day, I could fast no more. Like I said, PMS happens.
So, that is why, though I am well known for delivering right- on- the- money advice; my kids use it against me... thanks to the free newspapers in the school program.
When I am getting my fix, or "having a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment," spurred on my incomplete homework, a note form the teacher, or a unionized strike from dish duty announced by my five-year-old; their favorite response is surprisingly NOT to jump up and agree that my passionate "talk" has inspired them to do better and change their behavior.
No, they just smile in that "I am smarter than you" smile and say, "You call yourself an advice columnist?" "Here's some advice, mom: Take some of your own advice and STOP YELLING AT ME! YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!"
Or worse, later that night, when all has been forgiven, and I've tucked their little
pajama'ed bodies in bed and taken a wonderful whiff of Johnson and Johnson's Baby Shampoo when I kissed their heads, or choked on the lingering hair spray on my teenager's, I go upstairs to check my Ask Lula Belle e mail, hoping for good questions for my next column, when I discover letters from THEM! My own kids! Seeking advice on how to deal with a crazy mother!
So, take my advice for what it is worth, which according to my five children and the village idiot is not much. I know in reality, I am not very smart, but as Forest
Gump said, "I know I am not a smart man, Jenny, but I know what love is." Well, I know what love is too. And it is not a feeling, it is a verb. And to me, it means giving.
During the saddest part of my life, watching my father slowly slip from one existence to another as cancer took him away, I was able to tell him how much I admired him.
As he sat on the sofa, holding his newborn grandson in the crook of his arm, I told him he looked like a Golden Buddha.
It's true. That is what he looked like. You see, he was going through liver failure and his belly was distended from fluid. Plus, he was glowing and looked, well... golden.
"Daddy, tell us your secrets to Zen. You have lead such an enlightened life. Buddha doesn't have much on you. You are enlightened. Everything I need to know in life, I learned from you," I said.
Then he closed his eyes, smiled, and said, "Everything I needed to know in life, I learned in A.A."
My dad was a recovering drug addict and alcoholic who spent the last 24 years of his life learning a better way to live by practicing the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I suppose he will be clean and sober for all eternity and that when he walked through the pearly gates last year that he said, "Hi. I'm Mike, and I am an alcoholic." And that all the angels said, "Hi, Mike!" I do hope they have A.A. meetings in heaven.
My sisters and I grew up raised by two enlightened parents who lived their lives in recovery and openly shared with us their journey, one day at a time, around t he supper table. The philosophies our Daddy learned in A.A. spilled into every part of our lives. Like, "Take it one day at a time." "This too shall pass." "Don't sweat the small stuff." But my all time favorite A.A. slogan is threaded into my very being, and that is: "In order to keep it, you must give it away."
Mama and Daddy are the most generous people I have ever known. They have served as chair people for several United Way agencies and supported them with their time, talents, and donations. It is my mother's joy to help people in her community and it was my father's joy as well.
Daddy was a busy pediatrician who always was magically blessed with time to serve his community. Daddy was known for trading medical services for chickens, firewood, and arts and crafts from people who could not pay him. He literally gave all he had for the greater good. Instead of an inheritance, my family is left with a non profit foundation called the J. Michael
Hosford Foundation which supports United Way agencies in the North Georgia area so that we can honor our father by continuing his life's work of helping those in need.
My father's act of giving all he had enabled him to "keep" many blessings such as: happiness, a sense of well-being, peace, and friendship. The lesson of "In order to keep it, you must give it away" that he left my sisters and me is worth more than gold.
And since you are sitting in this room, I can assume you know this lesson too and it is threaded into your very being. All of you know what it means when I say, "In order to keep it, you must give it away." I am willing to go out on a limb and say that each of you do what you do because it makes you feel good. You give away your time, and you are blessed with a sense of well-being. You volunteer your talents and you are blessed with special friendships.
'Cause I know you don't work for United Way agencies for the money. And I know you didn't volunteer today because you had nothing else to do, so you must be here for a reason and that reason is you know what my Daddy taught me. You know you are giving it away but keeping it and more.
Have you ever noticed that when you generously give money, that you never miss it? You never balance your check book and say, "Oh, man...if I had just not given that ten dollars to the Boy Scouts!" or, "Gee, if I had not given a $200.00 donation to Challenged Child and Friends, I could buy that cute outfit I saw at Anne Taylor yesterday."
Nope, you don't miss it because you gave it away and you can keep it. You have what you need. You have helped someone. You have made your community a better place.
For this United Way campaign, I have this advice for you: Kick it off by sharing this philosophy with everyone you know. Get out there and tell folks that in order to keep it, they must give it away. If they think you are nuts, tell them your story of how being generous and giving allows you to receive so many blessings.
You want everyone to feel as good as you do, so get out there and spread the word to your community that for what it costs to take their family through the drive
thru, that United Way can turn that 20 bucks into a lot of goodness. And they won't miss it one bit. In fact, they will be blessed with a good feeling and a new friend.
A priest, two ministers and a rabbi walked into a room. (This sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn't it?) But really, a priest, two ministers and a rabbi recognized the need for cooperative action to address their city's welfare problems way back in 1887.
These religious leaders in their community of Denver put their heads together to plan the first United Campaign for ten health and welfare agencies. They created an organization to serve as a agent to collect funds for local charities, as well as to coordinate relief services, counsel and refer clients to cooperating agencies, and make emergency assistance grants in cases which could not be referred.
That year, in 1887, Denver raised $21,700.00 and created a movement that would spread throughout the country to become the United Way.
Here we are, 122 years later, and United Way is still focused on mobilizing the caring power of communities and making a difference in people's lives.
So, thank you to each of you who LOVE your community. Remember love is a verb. Through your giving of your time, talents and financial support, you are LOVING your community.
Like I said, in my line of work, I get to tell people what to do. My five children and the idiot, (I mean my husband) may point out my shortcomings, and some weeks my questions may come from people asking about potty training, unwanted facial hair, and how to get their kids to stop eating their boogers.
I may seem to have all the answers, but in reality, I don't know much. But thanks to my father, I do know one thing for sure and that is: In order to keep it, you must give it away. And I am very grateful there are people like you who know this too. You make this world a better place by helping your community in the ways in which you do.
Good luck, best wishes, and may your campaign be blessed with generous giving and grateful keeping. Thank you!
